The Source Of My Pain And Sorrows

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"I hate doing this!" I say angrily. "I know you do but you wouldn't want to freak her out, ya know?" Anne says helping me get ready.

^Asher

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^Asher

"Ya, I guess so......" I say disappointingly. "Ok stop!" She says annoyed while I look at her in confusion. "Seeing you like this just breaks my heart! No matter how many times I see you come home crying yourself to sleep, I will never get used to it! Your my sister, and it bothers me to see you feeling down. You should be happy! You finally have a friend! Another shoulder to cry on, another person to rant to, another person to have by your side, a person to hang out with so you aren't alone in school! So can you just please put a smile on your face, for me?" She says.

I turn away feeling the guilt in my chest. I shed a tear thinking about how selfish I've been the past few days, I've been thinking so much about me finally having someone to have by my side when I haven't really noticed I already had one. I shed another tear feeling horrible on the inside.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Please forgive me, I was just feeling emotional seeing you like this----" before she can say anything I interrupt her. "Your of right,  I should be feeling happy." I say looking at her with tears streaming down my face. "But why do I feel like crap?" I say looking at her with guilt and confusion. "I-I don't know..." she says with blank expression. I look at the mirror to see if I look fine and wipe my tears. I run my fingers across my hair and leave the room, not wanting to deal with that conversation anymore.

I run downstairs and grab and apple from the fruit bowl and leave the house. "Honey, aren't you-----" is the last thing I hear before leaving the house.

While on the bus, I think about some excuses to say to Clara on why 'Ashley' isn't coming to school. No matter how much I hate lying to Clara, Anne's right, I wouldn't want to freak her out. I plan to tell her soon, just not now.

---in school---

"Hey, where's Ashley?" Clara says running up to me. "Oh, she's taking a break from school. She's had enough of all this drama." I say trying as much as I can to sound sincere.

"Oh, I'm so sorry....." she says disappointingly. "It's fine, I just hope that one day Ashley will get the justice she deserves." I say. "Ya, me too" she says.

"Hey Asher!" I hear someone say. As I turn back to see who said that statement, I find Mandy with her 'sidekicks' smiling at me. "Mandy, what are you doing here?" Clara says annoyed of Mandy's presence. "Just here to say hi to my little boo!" Mandy says with a little chuckle. "Since when were you his boo?" Clara says defensively. "Woah woah woah, calm down!" I say trying to stop this fight. "Ya calm down Clara!" She says with sass. "Oh no you didn't!" Clara says trying to tackle Mandy but I stop her. "Clara calm down!" I say hoping that she will. "Anyways I'm gonna leave before things get messy, Clara looks ugly when she's angry. Bye boo!" Mandy says winking at me before leaving.

Once I see that Mandy is in a far distance, I let go of Clara. "What the heck was that?!" She says angrily. "Uh, saving you from going to detention!" I say. "Ashley could've had her justice but no, you didn't want things to get messy! I don't care anymore what happens to me, things already started to happen when I realized that I've been letting YOUR COUSIN get hurt!" She screams. "Well I don't want you risk everything just to get something that you shouldn't be getting!" I say worriedly. "You don't actually feel that way, you're just being a coward. Instead of getting justice for your cousin, you would rather leave everything be so it doesn't get 'worse'!" She says giving me the slap of reality that I needed before leaving.

She was right, I am being a coward. I don't want to give myself justice because I'm scared of making things worse. Just now, I start to realize why things haven't been getting easier, because I've been making it harder. Letting it be isn't going to change anything, letting it be is the opposite of change! That's it, I've been afraid of change! Change can be scary, especially if you don't know if that change will be good or not. I should've known sooner, but I was just blinded by my sorrows and my pessimistic ideas to see it. I've been selfish and pessimistic, which isn't gonna get me anywhere in life. And I'm glad that Clara showed me that.

Woah was I getting in deep about this! Is it too much? I was getting really into it, it makes my stories more interesting tho. Btw, Asher will be looking like Cole Sprouse from now on so don't judge! Anyways, thank you so much for reading my story, I really appreciate it! And sorry if I made you wait too long for this chapter, school can be really hectic. I will be updating my story in my free time but I can't promise you an update every week, but I will try tho. Anyways, cya! :)

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