Unloved

Scars

"He stripped away
My self worth, layer by layer
Until there was nothing left
Of my personality.
Yet I never forgot
About the girl
Who I used to be.
She lived inside,
My caged soul,
Waiting for the day
I would set her free.
Casting her light
Into my dark mind,
Hoping that I would see,
Flashes of a better life,
Glimpses of possibility.
I was never alone
Because she believed in me."
- Christy Ann Martine

I hissed as I dabbed the fresh cuts with an alcohol swab, tears gatheroing in my bloodshot eyes.

"He didn't mean it." I thought, firmly shaking my head. A gasp of pain caused spots to appear in my vison and my hand drifted to the back of my neck, gently brushing the blossoming bruise that settled at the top of my spine. I dropped my hand to my side and looked up at the small mirror my mother had given me. A small smile wormed its way onto my face.

I love mirrors.

My smile quickly floated away as I caught my reflection. My mouth dropped slightly and I leaned closer, staring in horror.

The girl in the mirror had dull blue hair that lay flat and tangled against her back. Her eyes were hooded and her face was a mess of purple bruises. A shallow cut lay across her cheek and her lips were ripped to shreds.
I slowly twisted my bare body, her movement imitating mine. All I could see were the slashes and the bruises that were scattered across her ribs.
A sob escaped my lips as I stumbled back and I frantically dug my broken fingernails into my scalp, squeezing my eyes shut as his voice cut through my head like a knife.
"Worthless."
"Can't you do anything right?"
"You're poisoning our children's minds with your stupid fairy tails.
"Can't you just shut up for a second?"
"You can't even get my dick hard anymore you stupid girl."
"I wish I had stayed with Mal."

"Shut up." I could feel myself murmuring over and over again. "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I bolted upwards a scream tumbling out of my mouth. I quickly slapped a hand over my mouth, kicking myself for making noise.
The kids are waking up.
I quickly stumbled toward my makeup drawer as I heard doors opening and closing. Hastily, I ripped my makeup drawers open, my fingers fumbling with the clasps on my contour. I dabbed it on my face before showering myself in foundation. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as the bruises seemingly disappeared from my face.

Only I knew they were there.

A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts and I slipped the silk robe that my mother had passed onto me on. Taking a deep breath, I heard a small voice crack on the other side of the door.

"Mommy?"

My heart melted at the thought of the small voice of Lily, alone and probably scared out of her mind of her parents fighting. A thin stream of light was filtered through the door that Harry just recently had punched a partial hole in. I watched as the light cut out and Lily's blue eye peeked in on me. I waved my hand forward and the eye disappeared. Seconds later, the door creaked open and Lily's small figure was silhouetted in the doorway. A smile crept its way into my face and I outstretched my arms. Closing my eyes, I buried my face in her vibrant hair as she snuggled into my chest. I could feel tears building up and I quickly blinked them back.
I needed to be strong.
A cough interrupted my thoughts and my gaze rested on the other three that somehow had appeared in my doorway. For once they weren't bickering; the three boys seemed strangely quiet. A long silence hung in the room before Cole stepped forward, the usual scowl that he showed everyone invisible. Replacing it was a softened look, one I hadn't seen since he was six years old and defying every rule set in place. My eyes snapped to the bites on his neck and his gaze followed mine. He quickly shrugged his shoulders, pulling the old hoodie he usually slept in over his head, causing his neck to melt into the darkness.
"Just wanted to make sure you were ok, Ma." He looked down at the ground, scuffing his toe against the stained wooden floor. Eli and James nodded feverishly, their hands grasping each side of Cole. A smile on my face, I beckoned to the twins and a small laugh escaped my lips as they looked to Cole for approval. With no other second thoughts, they trampled over each other and jumped onto the bed. A squeal sounded from Lily and laughter arose through the air. I squeezed Eli and James into a deep hug, kissing them each on the top of their shaggy hair. Out of the corner of my eye, Cole turned and started to walk back to his room.