A tale of two brothers; jamilton&mullette

[36] warmth,

Hercules sat on Lafayette's bed in his room.

He'd been there countless times.

That room was the place he'd had sleepovers with his friends as a teenager, where he'd played video games and listened to Alexander complain about Jefferson when he thought Lafayette couldn't hear him.

It was filled with more warmth than Hercules had felt in a while.

On the wall opposite him was a painting, a tree with every color of fall leaf imaginable.

On his boyfriend's large bed was a knitted orange blanket, he knew Jane had made when they lived in Virginia.

From every wall smiled black and white photographs of Lafayette as a child with his mother and some with the man he knew to be his father but had never met.

There were pictures of him and Jefferson as small children and more recent ones.

There were also ones of him with Alexander, with Laurens,

and with Hercules.

There were a lot of pictures of Hercules and Lafayette.

He'd been there countless times, but somehow it wasn't the same.

Because now he could say this was his boyfriend's room and not one of his best friends' room.

His boyfriend.

It was past midnight and Hercules was already wearing the shorts and loose tank top he usually slept in.

Lafayette walked into the room.

"Hey babe, we gotta talk."

He smiled at the man sitting on his bed.

Hercules got nervous as Lafayette sat down next to him.

"Sure, what?"

Why did he get nervous?

Since his parents died, he always thought of every situation turning out in the worst possible way.

He'd learned to live with it.

But he couldn't lose Lafayette.

Not now.

Not ever.

"You and mom, you were talking in the car before I came there."

Hercules nodded and sighed in relief.

"Yes."

His boyfriend moved closer to him.

"What were you talking about?" Lafayette asked calmly, still smiling.

Mulligan looked down at his hands in his lap.

"You know, stuff. My parents."

Lafayette suddenly grabbed his hand, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of it.

He swallowed whatever was left of his pride, he couldn't hide it anymore.

"Laf, I miss them."

Lafayette smiled sadly.

His boyfriend had been closer to him than ever, yet he never chose him to speak about his parents to, he always went to Laurens, Madison even but not his own boyfriend.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Because they're gone and missing them won't bring them back."

Lafayette didn't know how to respond. Finally, Hercules had come to him and his words failed.

"You know, I think grief is just love, it's all the love that you wanna give to that someone but you can't. I think grief is just a kind of love with no place to go," Hercules said, his voice shaking as he held Lafayette's hand tighter.

Lafayette bit his lip.

"It's okay that you miss them," he started.

"No, it's not..." Hercules started but his boyfriend cut him off.

"It's okay to say their names."

Hercules' eyes were starting to tear up.

"It's okay to cry, and it's okay to laugh."

"I-"

Lafayette kept talking.

"It's okay to smile when you think of them."

Hercules choked out a sob. Lafayette put his arm around him and pulled him closer.

"It's okay to be angry Herc, but it's also okay to be thankful and to hope."

"It's okay to talk about it."

Hercules buried his face in Lafayette's chest and just cried.

"It's okay," Lafayette said.

"It's okay."

"It's okay."

Lafayette held Hercules tighter than he'd ever held him before.

To Hercules the world turned into a blur, and so did the sounds.

The smell, the taste.

Everything was gone.

He paused his thoughts trying to hold back the strange feelings rumbling inside him but he couldn't.

He let it out, he let it all out.

Everything he felt came out in the tears tracing down his cheeks.

So many tears burst out like water from a dam spilling down his face.

He'd cried before but not like this.

Not in front of Lafayette.

In front of him, he wanted to seem strong, like he was so strong that he could keep it all together.

He'd tried but he'd failed.

A part of him was dying inside, yet he felt so much relief.

Maybe the part dying wasn't one he needed.

Maybe he didn't need the walls he'd built, because when the world unblurred, Lafayette was still there and he wasn't going anywhere.

"I love you," Mulligan whispered after what had felt like an eternity.

Lafayette let out a smile and slowly released his grip on Hercules.

He looked up at him with swollen eyes, with snot below his nose and cheeks stained with tears.

And Lafayette had never felt as much love for him.

He pressed his lips to his.

"I love you too. More than anything in the world."

842 words

I seem to have forgotten that this is a Jamilton fic too....

(((nah jkjk it's in the making.)))

I'm trying to write more happy chapters cause this shit is depressing at points and I want more happpyyyy

but writing sad is easier

BUT NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE EASY, I ACCEPT THIS CHALLENGE.

anyway

WE'RE AT 8K, WHAT? DIDN'T WE JUST GET TO 7K?

YOU GUYS ARE LIKE MY FAVOURITE HUMANS

ily,