Explaination

hallucinations

I mentioned my insomnia before (I almost feel like it's one of the most important aspects of myself), but I don't think I talked about my experience I had with it in the 6th grade.

During this time I didn't realize what was happening to me, and only afterward did I understand it.

Has your brain ever wandered into a thought that you really did not want to explore? Well mine does that at night, and I literally can not sleep until I have explored certain thoughts fully.

At night, in order to get to sleep I have to
1 think about the events of the day
2 think about all of the fathomable possibilities of the next day
3 meticulously plan for all of the bullshit I thought up in step 2
4 mentally abuse myself a bit
5 think about any miscellaneous thoughts my mind jumps to at the moment.

If I do not complete this process I will get no sleep. As a sixth grader I had issues with step 5. I would run into these gruesome, horrifying, miserably saddening thoughts which I had to explore fully.

I decided this was unacceptable. If that is what it would take to sleep, I just wouldnt sleep.

That is how I learned the importance of dreams. I think I lasted about maybe three weeks before I lost all track of time. what may have been hours felt like days. Did that happen yesterday or tomorrow? Is it daytime or nighttime? I don't care. Several days were a short series of moments.

Then the hallucinations started. It was nothing crazy, in fact I thought it was totally normal when it happened. The walls changed colours and rippled when touched. Things would start to melt. Chairs would bend and move.

Dreams are so important to your brain that if you stop sleeping it will find a way to dream while you are awake.

I don't know how long this was going on. Like I said, I had no perception of time.

I eventually started sleeping again. I've gotten used to step 5 now. I make sure to get my thinking done quickly so I can work on the sleeping.