Explaination

acceptance

Look, if anyone actually makes it this far into the book...

I'm sorry if I'm a really depressing, pathetic excuse for a homosapien (I realize that reading this was your choice, but I still feel the need to apologize), and i don't know why I am even trying to write this anymore.

At this point I understand what is wrong with me, and there's no way to fix it, I'm just a fucked up individual.

I could probably talk to a therapist, or smoke some weed or something, but I've had therapists assigned to me before and it was a fucking disaster, and I've seen too many people fuck their whole lives up (and mine) because they were high and didn't give a damn what the consequences to their actions would be to accept any amount of weed because I don't trust myself.

Maybe one day things will settle down and I won't have to control as many aspects of my life because they'll already stay semi normal themselves, and I'll be able to calm down and let go a little more without having to deal with such a high probability of chaos.

Probably just wishful thinking, but what can you do?

I dont know. Suffering has to end at some point right? And if it doesn't, and if when I die I go to hell to burn for an eternity then, god damnit, I tried. At least I tried.