In reading this book over just now I have realized something.
I am literally nothing but anxiety with human skin.
Everything I have described in this book is walking anxiety, it is the root of my being and always has been. I'm so organized and neat. Im overly controlling of many aspects in my life. My insomnia is caused purely by shitty experiences and anxiety. I have this obsession with understanding things. I plan and think way to much. All of my idiosyncrasies and social behaviors and thought processes and mindsets point to anxiety.
It rules me.
I'm not in control my anxiety is, and I am anxiety. I am nothing. I hurt myself constantly but can't let go of that either.
I'm insane.
I have several sociopathic traits because I am so chronically worried about everything not working the way it needs to that I have to understand everyone and everything to learn how to help make everything operate because if it doesn't then, I don't know, my brain thinks it's all going to collapse or something. So I try and try to understand everything, which is impossible, and I know that, but I can't let go because I am so fucking sick.
Every goddamn thing I do.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Help me.
I want to die.
YOU ARE READING
Explaination
RandomI was told I should write a book. So why not? Its gonna suck, and I don't apologize. Its not a story, or anything with a real plot, just some thoughts of mine. I don't know how deep this shit's gonna go, I'm just rolling with it. I do encourage comm...
