The boy is mine, WATTY AWARDS 2014

The boy is mine- Chapter 13

What on earth was I supposed to do in this case, I have never in my wildest of thoughts come across this scenario in my head. James telling me that he loved me and that he couldn't see me with anyone but him. This felt like a dream, a terrible dream that I could not wake up from. James can't love me, what about our friendship? Does that mean nothing to him? How could he just throw that all away? I mean he must have thought of the concequences of confessing his feelings to me. I didn't know what I felt towards him. I didn't know whether I felt elated that he thought of me as more than a friend because once upon a time I was mad for him, or if I should feel dissapointed because he didn't tell me sooner. I know it was selfish of me to only care about his timing and how he ruined my date with Jason, but what was I supposed to do? He really did catch me off guard, I had no time to analyse the situation.

Now I had a very patient Jason waiting outside to hear my decision like I was a judge trying to reach a verdict. Do I choose my life time friend or a guy that noticed me only a week ago? I was lost and I really couldn't find myself. If I chose to stay with James, I would be risking a major friendship breaker and if I went with Jason I could lose James. Why couldn't I be selfish and have both?

I finally built the courage to walk out and face Jason. 

"Hey are you okay? That must have been intense for you." I said as I reached him.

"Intense for me? You are the one who had someone confessing their love for you, I should ask how you feel. I mean, do you feel the same way?" He paused, " because if you do I really understand. He has been your best friend since you were young so it would be understandable if you went with him, it would actually seem natural if you did. But I got to say before it's too late that I know I have only known you for a few weeks but I do like you Lanna, so whatever decision you make I will be totally understanding and we can still be good friends."

At that moment it became so much harder for me to choose. I know for any girl it would be the easy decision of choosing James because he said that he loved me but there was something about the way Jason was handling the situation that made me want to pick him.

"Jason believe me when I say up until today guys have never really shown an interest in me let alone fought over me. So please understand me when I say that this is a realy hard decision and it should be easy but it really isn't. I'm scared to lose him Jason, what if he never speaks to me again? I can't lose him I just can't."

"So you would rather lose me?"

"I didn't say that, I just need time. Maybe we should just be friends for the time being and sort it out as we go. Take it slow without rushing."

"You mean without choosing?" He sighed and looked down at the ground beneath him. He was in deep thought before I broke that silence.

"Can we be friends or is that off the table?" I asked curiously.

"I would rather be more than friends and you know that well by now."

"But can you wait?"

"I'm not very patient Lanna, that's the thing."

"Well then, I guess it's settled. I'll see you around Jason."

I began to walk off but he caught me by the arm, "wait Lanna I just mean don't take too long to figure out what you want. James may be your bestfriend but you have to figure out if you are scared to lose him because you like him or because you became so used to him in your life that you are afraid of change. I mean look at you, you have revolutionized yourself and become this beautiful, elegant and sexy girl. You are more confident and not that girl that would sit at the back of class with her friends and be the only one not talking. You stand out more and with this new life you need new people to keep up your image. James, yeah he is great but he is apart of your life before this new one, just think about that when you are trying to choose."

I didn't know what to say I really was dumb founded. But then a thought occured to me and I became really confused with what Jason had just said to me, " I thought you never noticed me before, I just don't understand why you would make that comment about me and my friends."

"I had noticed you before it's just that I never really looked at you."

"Wow, okay. That was harsh." I said really hurt at his words of absolute honesty.

"No, please don't get me wrong, you just stand out more now. This new you just attracts me even more to you."

"Is that all this is Jason? Attraction?"

"No, Lanna. Well, at first it was but now I love speaking with you and spending time with you. Just think about this okay." He said planting a kiss on my cheek before he walked away towards the direction where his car was parked.

I stood there outside the door of the restaurant, pondering the question of who to choose. I had this empty feeling in my chest and I knew if I didn't choose I was going to lose both of them. 

Could Jason only be attracted to me now that I have this new body? How could someone only care about the image of  a person.

Wait, I know it's possible because that was the only reason I was interested in Jason from the start. I was kind of getting a taste of my own medicine.

My thoughts were driven back to James and how I couldn't say anything to him after he said those words to me. He was right about me to say that I was materialistic and only cared about looks. And here I was complaining about Jason only noticing me now because of my new looks. I should have listened to James and stayed away from Jason because I had a feeling that I was going to be the only person on the losing end of this three way.

I started to walk back home now that I had no ride from either James nor Jason. I made a turn and found myself in the restaurant's parking lot, only to see James leaning against the hood of his car.

"James, what are you still doing here?" I asked surprised to see that he was still standing there.

"You know no matter the circumstances that I would never let you walk home alone. Even if you did kick me out of the restaurant. Come on, get in. I'll drop you home."

"I really don't know what to say James. I- uh."

"Don't say anything. You don't need to. What I did in there was foolish and stupid. Just pretend I never said anything. It wasn't important. You're right I just got jealous of the time you were spending with Jason. You should be with him, you were made for eachother, really."

"I'm just really confused and messed up at the moment. I don't want you to hate me for the way I acted in there. I know I have been acting different lately but that's all going to change. I'm sorry if I hurt you and honestly my head is spinning and I don't know what to do. You know me, I have never had to be in this kind of situation so it's only natural that I don't know how to react."

"You should know that you never have to explain yourself to me Lanny, just know that I'm always here. I'm not going anywhere even if you try to push me out, I'm like a boomerang baby I come right back."

With that being said we got into his car and we endured a long and quiet ride back home. 

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Sorry that I haven't updated in ages, been busy with uni. But will update on the regular :)