Mary Grace

Five

Five

"GET OUT! GET out!" I started throwing things to his direction. "Get out! Get the fuck out of my room!" Tears are streaming down my face and for the first time after feeling empty for so long, I felt angry towards him. I can feel the anger boiling inside of me, spilling out of me and begging to explode.

"Mary Grace!" I heard Mom's voice followed by curious murmurs of my grandfather and my sister. I must've caught their attention when I screamed angrily at the demon. I felt her wrap her arms around me and tried to calm me down but I kept on screaming.

"What happened?"

"She just freaked out. She must've thought I'm another person. I'm really sorry," Being the good actor that he was, his voice couldn't sound more sympathetic. Right there and then I wanted to claw his eyeballs out and punch him in the face.

"Mary Grace," Lumapit si Dad sa akin. His tone is not friendly. "What's wrong with you?"

I just kept on screaming and crying. Uncle Thomas butted in again. "This is a very unusual behavior, Thunder. I think your daughter must've been under influence of some sort of drugs."

"Shut up!" I growled at him. Dad narrowed his eyes at me.

"Mary Grace, I heard rumors about you and your friends having pot session. Is that true?" He demanded angrily.

"Please Thunder, not now." My mother pleaded.

"Dad—"

"I'm not talking to you!" He yelled at my sister who tried to interrupt. "Mary Grace Ferguson, have you been using marijuana?"

I cried harder. Dad's hands flew across my face. "Hindi ka na nahiya." He spat and stormed out of the room.

Napahagulhol ako habang yakap-yakap pa rin ako ni Mommy. Nagsialisan na ang mga tao sa loob ng kwarto ko hanggang sa kaming dalawa na lamang ang natira. "Intindihin mo nalang ang Dad mo. He already knew about it and he was really mad. He kept it for a long time. Siguro ay talagang sumabog lang siya." Mom said softly, stroking my hair. "I'm so sorry, honey."

I didn't answer. I just keep on crying and eventually, I fell asleep. When I woke up that morning, I'm still wearing the sweatpants and hoodie from last night. My eyes are red and puffy from crying and my throat is too dry that it hurts me to swallow a little. I searched for my phone but it wouldn't turn on. I plugged in the charger and stepped inside the bathroom silently.

I stared at the white tiles staring back at me and the tiny cloud of steam lingering around. The water running down my body felt so good. Napaupo ako at sumandal. I didn't know how long I had been there but when I step out of the shower, it's already quarter to nine. Wala din naman akong balak pumasok. I drop the towel wrapped around my body on the floor and stared at my bare reflection in the mirror.

If only I had been born to another family, this body must've remained pure and virgin until now. I wouldn't feel empty and hollow. I wouldn't have experienced all of these bullshits. In another life, I must've smiled at Uncle Thomas when I met him somewhere in my life because he's very good with kids. And he's also good in ruining a little girl's life. In another life, I thought. He couldn't have been my rapist.

Too bad it's too good to be true. I'm living a reality that left me no choice but to keep on moving forward. I shook the thoughts out of my head and grabbed a pair of underwear and boxer shorts. I throw on some of Jeremy's coolest t-shirts that I have—a white shirt with till death we do art printed in small bold and black letters in the middle. I collapsed on the bed again.

Nakakatlong missed calls na ako sa kanya. Mariah and Danielle had been texting me like crazy. I have been acting odd towards them and owe them an explanation. I quickly typed a reply, telling them I'm fine. I also told Jeremy the same thing and after a little while, my phone rang.

"Hey," I greeted silently.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern etched on his voice.

"I'm not okay," I admitted. "But maybe we could do something to make me okay?"

He chuckled on the other line. "Of course, baby. I'll meet you at 10."

I figured he must've skipped school again dahil mabilis siyang nakareply sa akin. I opened the door and headed outside, scanning the surroundings. I can hear muffled noises downstairs. Nakasalubong ko ang ate ko sa hagdanan. She stared at me blankly.

"Yes, Tito. In fact, they wanted to know if I could collaborate—"

"Where are you going?"

Napatingin ako kay Dad at kay Harry na nakaupo sa sofa ng living room. I heaved a sigh. Dad's drama is the last thing I need right now.

I shrugged. "I need some air,"

"No." He pulled himself from his seat and pointed up towards my room. "You stay here in the house. Hindi ka aalis, Mary Grace."

And this is what I hate the most. I didn't bother arguing with Dad and headed back to my room without a word. I texted Jeremy that I'm grounded and I can't make it to him. About an hour had passed. I didn't receive any reply from him. I tossed my phone back into my bed and tried to doze off to sleep.

I once read a case of a depressed person who uses sleeping as a form of shutting down everything. Nakita niya kung paano pinatay ang kaniyang ina sa harapan niya. It marked a deep wound while he was growing up. Every time he acts up, he immediately swallows a few sleeping pills and closes his eyes. He said it was effective, and it had helped him battle his depression. Hindi niya naiisip ang duguang bangkay ng mama niya at ang demonyong ngiti ng kaniyang ama noong kinse-anyos pa lamang siya.

I tried the so-called therapy. Sleeping whenever I feel empty. Sleeping whenever the image of Uncle Thomas pops inside my mind. Sleeping when I don't want to hear anything from people around me. Sleeping for the sake of sleeping.

After a few minutes of trying to get comfortable in bed, I eventually fell asleep.

KUMAKALAM ANG AKING sikmura pagkagising ko. I checked my phone. Still, no reply from Jeremy. Bumangon na ako at kumain. The house is eerily silent. I searched for food inside the fridge and ended up heating some carbonara. I grabbed some toasts and made myself a glass of fresh orange juice. It's half past 3 in the morning. Para akong nakalutang sa kakatulog ko.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. The beeping sound of the microwave oven even startled me. Kaagad ko itong inilabas mula sa oven at inilapag sa lamesa. I started eating silently.

I figured Dad must be fast asleep right now so I headed out of the door, without any plan to do in mind. I slipped my hands into the back pocket of my shorts and pleased to feel the crinkled texture of the stick of a cigarette. Inilabas ko iyon. I sat down the front porch.

"Need a light?"

Muntik na akong mapatalon sa sobrang gulat. I snapped my head into the voice's direction. A tall figure is towering over me. It was Harry. His eyes twinkled in the crisp dawn. He cocked an eyebrow and shot me an odd look. I guess I look really awful right now.

"Thanks," I mumbled, grabbing the lighter from him. He could also be a smoker or he just happened to own a lighter. Nevertheless, I didn't bother asking him which is which. Sinindihan ko ang aking sigarilyo. I leaned against the wooden door while Harry is sitting just beside me. I also didn't even bother asking him what he is doing in front of our house at 3 in the morning.

We just stayed there. I dragged the cigarette lazily from my mouth while Harry is lost in his own thoughts. It was the very first morning I spent with Harry, and somehow it was comfortable and an eerie feeling filled my chest.

My sister is lucky, I thought, dragging the last of my cigarette from my lips while staring at Harry's plump and unmoving lips.