Best for Us (GU #3)

five

Five: Vanessa Gerleen

'YOU take care.'

I grabbed the pilow beside me and covered my face with it as I let out a frustrated sigh.

Ilang beses ko na itong ginagawa na para bang mapapatigil noon ang isipan ko sa pag-alala sa nangyari kahapon.

Finding it hard to breathe, I moved the pillow away from my face and exhaled loudly.

Yesterday. What happened yesterday really was unexpected. I never saw that coming. Never even saw the resemblance between them. Dalawang summer na akong nagtuturo sa Music Center. Dalawang summer ko na ring tinuturuan si Nali tumugtog ng piano. Dalawang summer ko na ring kilala si Mrs. Allende, or Teriz, as what I heard Tita Angelina called her. Oftentimes, Nali would bring up the topic about her brother or Dad. But last night, that was the first time she talked about her uncle. Na nagkataon pang nireto sa akin.

And I had no freaking idea that the her so-called Tito Tyos was the same guy I never wanted to see again-Tyler.

Napakurap ako sa puting kisame't huminga na naman nang malalim.

Two years. It had been almost two years since that worst night of my life. That night I promised I would forget everything about him. It took me a long time to do that. Ang totoo nga, kahit sa halos dalawang taon ay nahirapan akong gawin.

Because you can never really erase someone in your life, especially if that someone holds a special place in your heart.

But when your heart gets broken by that someone, ibang usapan na.

So, I maybe not had forgotten everything about Tyler. But I sure as hell had lost all of those mushy feelings I had for him. And I worked those years to do that then last night happened. I was caught unguarded and I felt like all I've worked for gone into pieces.

Just one 'You take care' from him and my walls were starting to tear down.

Napapikit ako't kinastigo ang sarili. Ganyan ka ba karupok, Vanessa? Alalahanin mo kung sino siya, kung anong ginawa niya sa'yo. He's not worth it. So, don't even go there. Don't let him have an effect on you anymore. Tagal mo nang graduate dyan. 'Wag mong hayaan na masayang ang lahat. In short, 'wag kang tanga! 'Wag kang basta-basta na lang bumibigay!'

Iminulat ko na ang mga mata. Ngayon, may panibago na akong determinasyon sa aking sarili.

Right. One thing I didn't prepare myself for-the possibility of us seeing each other again.

Paano'y ginawa ko na lahat ng aking makakaya para maiwasan ang presensya noong mga nakaraang taon. Like what I did last night. Pinagmukha kong sa bahay pa rin ako tumutuloy para hindi na niya malaman kung saan ako mag-aaral. Alam ko namang wala siyang magiging pakialam kung saanmang college 'yun. It was just that I avoided further conversations.

Pero alam ko namang hindi ko laging magagawa iyon-ang umiwas. That's why I should start to live in the reality that the world is small. Lalo naman ang Maynila. Darating ang panahon na hindi ko maiiwasang magkrus na naman ang mga landas namin.

And until that's not happening, I still got time to ready myself.

I just hope that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Dahil medyo matagal-tagal pang pagpapakalma ang gagawin ko sa pusong binulabog na naman ni Tyler.

*

I went out. Matapos kong makipag-usap kay Mommy at mawalan ng gagawin sa Montereal Place, pumunta ako sa kalapit na mall para maglibot. And since I found a movie that got my interest, I bought a ticket and watched it. Gabi na nang lumabas ako ng cinema kaya sa mall na rin ako nag-dinner. So, it was already quarter to eight when I got to Montereal Place.