All Thanks To a Piece Of Paper (ForthBeam)

-27-

   What have I done that made Tae so mad at me? I have done all that he has said to me. I try to stay out of any trouble whatever we're together;-

   Now I'm stuck on what else to write. I mean, that's all I've done. I have stayed out of his way and I haven't caused any trouble or anything with Prae nor Lolly and anything.

   But, I don't understand why he got mad or what I have done... I begin to write again after so long.

   -Comes to think of it, I've never seemed to be in any trouble. Maybe with the except of our parents and kind of running out from home with Tae. What if... he's cheating on me? If I lose him, I don't know what would I do. I have already lost Krist at once so Tae and I could be together. I can't lose him. Although how cliche it sounds, I don't know how else I could explain it to myself. I can't have Tae slip away from my fingers so easily. If he really is with another person... I guess it wouldn't be so bad for us to not be together, he is, even though not biologically... my brother...

   Tears rim my eyelids as I write down the last sentence on the white piece of paper. I can't believe I even wrote down that sentence. I can't even say it allowed, so what I lastly wrote must be a lie. Or am I scared to admit this allowed to myself? I can't do that, I can't do anything.

   I'm so useless...

   I tear up the paper and begin to cry. This time, the technique I've frown to do for about a year or two, didn't work. I don't feel relieved, or better or anything of the sort, I feel so helpless. That was the worst letter I've ever written. Some much truth and lies all jumbled up together. I don't know what I can even think anymore. How can I live with myself saying It's okay for Tae to go behind my back and cheat on me? What kind a person am I?

   Now, I just can't seem to stop crying. The tears overflow, dripping on to the bed sheets as I hug my chest as I keep crying. There's no way or how I can stop from it.

   Suddenly, the door opens, "Hey, hey, hey," Tae's voice chimes through into my ears.

    His arms wrap around my body as I fully lay on the bed, still sobbing. Tae rests his body against mine and keeps saying "shh" to calm me down. But, how can I calm down in a time like this? We could have a fight for all I know and possibly have a break. If we have that, then I might as well go back to my parents and they would never let me out again. I can't lose this life I want to have with Tae. Most likely, I sound so selfish about wanting to keep Tae, but I know I can't control anything...

   "Tee, Tee," Tae shushes me, "what's wrong?"

   "I don't want you to leave me," I cry into the bed some more. more like a kid who lost they family.

   He chuckles lightly and tries to turn me around to face him. "I'm not going to leave you, baby. We just have some things need to talk about."

   Turning around, Tae has this playful look on his face, but a hint on seriousness lurks into his eyes. At least the outcome is that he isn't going or wanting to break up with me, and that's a start. But, I don't know what this talk will be about.

   "You're not going to break up with me? You're bot cheating on me?" I sniffle as I fuly turn around to face him.

   "No! No, of course not," his cheerful look disappears. "Why would you think that?"

   "The way you were treating me today," I mumble and shrug.

   "About that- ...." he pauses and looks at the scraps of the paper that we're laying on top of, "...what are these?"

   Before an answer could escape my mouth, I shrug off his question and pick up all of the little pieces that were sprawled on the bed, Tae catches my hand to force me to stop cleaning up all the pieces. Oh, god. He knows. He always knows.

   "Did you want to hurt yourself? Did you hurt yourself already?" Tae searches my wrists and arms and begins to unbutton my pants.

   "No! I didn't do anything!" I grab his hands and slightly pull away from him. "I just wrote a simple letter, okay?" He nods. "Now, what did you want to talk about? I'm waiting for it."

   "Well, I want you to know that I don't tell you stuff for a reason," Tae starts out and sits next to me and raises me into a sitting position in front of him. "I was going to tell you about the whole thing and the apartment and Prae and everything else at a certain timing. I can't always tell you right on the spot because if I do, well, you know."

   "I know what?" I raise of my eyebrows and cross my arms.

   "You go a little overboard with everything. Like visiting me at work today without calling me, or when you found out I had a roommate you had a big fuss about it," He tilts his head to the side. "Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

   I look down into my hands and nod. Theoretically, Tae is right. I did throw a fit when I first met Prae and he didn't even mention her name to me before. And maybe going to see him at work was a little too much since he didn't even know I was going to be there... Tae is right. He's always and will be right.

   "Good," he coos softly and lifts my head by my chin with this thumb and index finger. "Now, I don't want to see you crying anymore, alright? I want you to be happy with me," Tae says softly inching his face closer to mine.

   "I'm always happy with you," The words rolled off my tongue so easily as I gently kiss him.

To be continued...