Get Out, If You Can

Under Foot, Undermined

His mind is hazy from the sleepless rest, he couldn't seem to allow himself to fall too deeply. Every movement would jar him awake and cause him to check the sleeping form beside him. He listened to her stuttered breaths as she had cried herself to sleep. Though he couldn't comprehend why she would put herself through such torment. He knew that she was trying to be as quiet as possible, but he caught onto everything. It irked him that she wouldn't say anything, but expected him to respond to her. This was becoming tedious, and almost repulsive, if only the end result that he sought wasn't so appetizing. He would have been done with this long before it could have even begun.

She felt badly for probably looking like a proper mess, dressed in his clothes, her hair in disarray and her face she sure was showing all the evidence of her crying from the night before. Closing her eyes she curses herself again for how foolish she was being. He had never tried to hurt her in any way, and yet she still had reservations. Her fear coming from her history of maltreatment from nearly everyone she had ever encountered. Even her own family tended to treat her as an outcast and teased her for some of her tendencies. Her younger brother had been a lot harsher ever since he started high school and fell in with troublesome group, but she knew that that would pass.

She had always dreamt of a family that would be supportive of each other, ate dinner together, did family activities such as taking holidays to somewhere far away, being the big sister that she felt that she should be, and tried to be. But she had labeled herself as broken and had pushed away everyone at a younger age, so therefore she had been the cause of it all. She blamed herself for the deterioration of her family, she should have been stronger, a backbone for the rest to fall on. But she failed them, and failed herself. And yet, she felt as if she still was, and with that, she was seeking the comfort of TJ's stability and it was selfish. She had never wanted to use him in such a way, but he was all she had, and she was clinging to him desperately.

This realization came shortly after he had taken her number, and even spoke with her more. She had found herself waiting to hear from him, wanting to hear from him rather and in turn would bombard him with phone calls that he would listen to for hours, not saying much himself. But he never complained, and he always answered. She really did like TJ, as confusing as he seemed to be to her, he was still a mystery, and very private. She longed to know more, his hold over her was still so strong and it wasn't ebbing away in the slightest. But the question still nagged at her, why would he choose to be close with her. She had watched as others tried to befriend him and he was polite, but managed to work the situation in a way that would put them off or would softly let them go, where they would lose their interest in him by not being available by any means.

"Are you awake?" TJ's gruff voice asks calmly against his pillow, feeling the distinct shaking of her foot against the bed, though it had been softer this time.

Cyren rolls over to face TJ and touches his back gently, in hopes that he would roll over to face her as well. She wanted to make amends. She wanted to be better. She would do it for him, because he didn't need someone to constantly be a problem. His back arches slowly away from her touch, and he rolls onto his side with a small groan escaping him in his displeasure of actually having to wake up. His eyes look sideways over his shoulder to her, her eyes bloodshot but bringing out the bright green in her irises. He narrows his gaze on her and rolls onto his back now turning his face towards her. He couldn't help but think that she was beautiful after having cried, he wished he could have seen her when she was crying though. She slides up to prop herself up on her forearms and looks down at her fingers as she busies herself pinching her fingertips.

"I'm sorry, you must hate me." She whispers sadly.

"I don't hate you." He reassures sternly, his voice gaining more strength as sleep leaves him.