XLVI

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XLVI.
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Song of the chapter:
Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes
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Francesca loved Justin. Did he love her? Did he cut it off because he didn't love her back? Did he cut her off because he didn't want to love her? Is that why he cut all of them off?

Still, I wasn't sure if Justin actually did anything to these newly broken girls, but I knew for sure that Francesca was hurt terribly. She couldn't have been the only one.

Did they all love him? Was he unsatisfied with that? Did he not want to be loved?

Mr. Paulson's lecture on how to create the "perfect thesis statement" was the least of my worries. He had nearly pounded the topic into our brains, yet some still didn't understand the concept. I wasn't too angry, for it gave me a lot of time to think about other things.

Justin wasn't in class. I didn't expect him to be, considering he had been close to punctual the last few sessions. It was a matter of time before he skipped again.

My eyes were on his empty seat as I thought tirelessly about Francesca, and what possibly could have caused her and Justin to split up. I wondered why all of the previous girls ended it with him or vise versa. It was still a mystery, but it seemed to be coming together slowly in my head.

I was interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket, startling me. My eyes looked towards Mr. Paulson, who was facing the board, giving me the clear signal that I could check my phone without being scolded in front of everybody.

Dad: Want to pick up a shift tonight? No one called in, we just need some cleaning done.

Mentally, I groaned. The very last thing I wanted to do was be around anyone.

Me: Raincheck? I have a lot of homework tonight.

I sighed, feeling guilty for lying. Not only did I not have homework, but I lied about feeling sick the previous few days, and I had been hiding Justin from my parents. It was very unlike me considering I typically told my parents just about everything. After all, I was just about as close with them as I was with Anna.

My mind wandered to Anna, hoping that she wasn't too upset with what I had said to her. Deep down, my feelings were true. I was in fact angry with her for acting like she was so protective over me after she was the one who encouraged me to be with Justin, but I shouldn't have called her out on it in such a harsh way. That wasn't fair.

I sulked in my desk, feeling the guilt saturate my body. It seemed that I was ruining the only relationships I had with people due to the fact that I was losing control of my own life.

Maybe I should just steer clear of everyone so that way I can't ruin anything else, I thought. Although it was meant to be funny, it only made me feel worse.

"Without a good thesis, no one will want to read your paper!" Mr. Paulson shouted all too passionately. "I read your papers because I have to. Make me want to! I can't tell you—"

The final bell rang, indicating the day was finally over. Mr. Paulson sighed, exasperated from his ever so heartfelt speech about thesis statements. He waved his hand at the room, dismissing us, as if he really had a choice in the matter. When the bell rang, everyone left. Teachers who kept students after the bell were the absolute worst. Mr. Paulson was smart enough to know better.

I gathered my things and quietly walked to my locker alone, as I did everyday after class. Once I made it there, I put my English textbook away and slid the necessities into my backpack: my planner, my black notebook, and my math textbook. As I did so, a figure appeared in my peripherals.

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