Hey guys I'm back...well I got something to tell you guys. Now I don't wanna act like this is my fucking diary but fuck by now it kinda is. Anyways my boy is kinda (if now always) on my nerves.
Look as I've stated a billion times, Im a chill ass person, it is very hard to legitimately piss me off, but this fucking guy....it's like he knows and presses my fucking buttons on purpose.
So today we didn't talk that much because he was doing community hours and I totally understand. Point is he stop responding for houuurs. Legit I wanna say 5 hours later. We picked up the conversation were it had left off be he had caught a fucking attitude half way in and im like????
I was like
"Well how's your day been?"
"Good, I watched youtube and played xbox mostly all day so"
So right there I was kinda like??? Uhhhh okay so you're miscommunicating to me that you ignored me most of the day? And that's not what fully bothered me, it's the fucking nerve to basically say it to my face.
I ignored it for the sake of my big mouth when I actually get mad. Then it's when he starts being a little cunt and answering with two or three words.
That's one way to majorly piss me the fuck off. Like look if you can't hold a fucking conversation then don't fucking start one. There I am like a fucking idiot finding ways to keep the conversation alive. Like no no no, I don't like that, I don't fuck with that.
Now I've been over this with him. He fucking knoooowwws which is the most fucked up part of it all
I, being me when I'm mad decided to just stop because I could feel myself about to blurt out something I might regret. I just told him I was gonna go to bed I said
"Well I'm gonna sleep now, night night!"
He took like half an hour and was like
"Night!!"
Now I know I got him in his feelings because he gets bootytickled when I don't say 'I love you' which I didn't because fuck that.
He can be the sweetest and the most cruel bastard at times and it drives me up the fucking wall.
But I'm so scared to break up with him because he's an amazing friend and he's my other half in the most twisted way and I just uhggg. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't love him. I really don't.
I like him yes, I like him a lot but I don't feel like I love is the right word. I also feel like when he says it there's a little denial. We moved too fast and it was both of our faults. This whole thing gives me a headache.
I wish he was here rn and maybe things would be different?? He's coming in December and I'm nervous as fuck. What if we both don't like what we see or worse...we both like what we see.
I'm so scared to love him too much for him to one day just decide I'm not enough. That's scares the shit out of me. I'm not ready for it yet I'm fully prepared.
I make no sense anymore, all I know is I'm really thinking shit over and it's killing me.
