The song up there is pretty good, I found it in the beginning of 10th grade and I found it again so I'd thought Id share it again lol!
Okay okay so I feel kinda bad. Yesterday I had a weird dream. I've been having weird dreams recently and I'll talk more about those maybe but the dream I had last night has me thinking.
It's kinda foggy but I just remember one part. I was apologizing to my old crush. Ya know the one that I talked about for like half of this book. Yeesh that's embarrassing but anyways, I was apologizing.
I told him I was sorry for what I had said and i that I feel super shitty for saying those things. I said I meant to apologize earlier but I was scared. Then I woke up.
Before I had this dream, i wanna say like a week before, I saw him. Well not actually him I ran into his Facebook. I saw he has a girlfriend now and I was happy for him but also deep down in my gut I felt the sting of what I can only describe as old feelings that haven't fully left.
I'm happy he found someone but I can't help to think 'what if?' Which is super shitty because I already have a boyfriend but I can't help it. I still can't shake him off fully. I know he didn't feel the same like I can just feel it but fuck man....what if he did? What if I hadn't said those things? What if I had turned out to be that girl? (She's so cute also)
Uhg I think deep down my brain hasn't let go of what it need to tell him. A simple "I'm sorry for being a fucking asshole and telling you a bunch of uncalled for rude shit to push you away because I was afraid of asking you out and getting rejected"
He was the closest I had ever come to asking out someone. I just felt an urge to, ya know?? I liked him A LOT. But you guys already saw that by the previous chapters kek.
I don't even think he goes to my school anymore. I guess I'll just have to deal with what I said. What happened happened right?
But hey between me and the few of you that read this i still think of him now and then. Just wonder if he's okay. Sometimes I remember those times I made up cheesy scenarios in my head of us HA HA HAAA BUT THATS EMBARRASSING AND CRINGY AND HURTS MY FEELINGS A LITTLE BIT SO ILL STOP.
Welp that's all. Just wanted to get that out :) thank you guys for sticking around to read the disaster that is my love life
