Oy oy oy!
Okay so I'm kinda fucked...no I'm really fucked.
Umm I've stated before that i have a hard time showing my emotions. I feel bad for my boy y'all, he dun got himself a fucked up gurl.
I only say stuff I mean. For example I can tell my family I love them easily, or my friend. I can tell them I love them till I fucking croak but when I comes to saying I love someone as in
'I wanna smooch yo face' love that's when I can't.
THE WORDS JUST FEEL SO FAKE AND NASTY ROLLING OFF MY TONGUE WHEN I TELL MY BOY I LOVE HIM.
I do, sure I do but it's just....I'm scared to fall in love. I'm truly scared to fall face fucking first and end up eating shit. CUZ HE IS A CUTIE PATOODIE.
Uhgg also can I just say how much I hate myself? Like we all have times when we look at ourselves in the mirror and think 'hm not so bad' but then we have those moments when it's the complete opposite and you just want to smash the mirror.
I have the fucking body of an eight year old boy. I want boobs and an ass aND HIPS DAMN IT. I DONT WANNA BE STICK LOOKIN CUNT ALL MY LIFE. ITS HORRIBLE! I HATE LOOKING AT MYSELF BECAUSE FUCK IM SO FUCKING SKINNY. I DONT EVEN WANNA BE LIKE THIS I WANNA BE
T H I C C
And ya know it adds on to my problems that my boyfriend likes big butts and honestly who tf doesn't?
~Sighhhhhh~
Can you imagine when he gets here and sees he's dating an ugly flat chested-flat asses cunt??? Oh that will just break my heart straight into two pieces. When he sees me and realizes that there are WAYYY prettier girls that want him and are WAYYY smarter then me?? That's gonna hurt. That's gonna really put me in the grave. I'm not gonna show it though because I've convinced myself that if I show my emotions I'll come off as weak and now people will actually start picking on my.
Gosh, I swear the mostly likely reason why I'm always sad and snappy is because I can't stand myself.
I can't stand to look at my face cuz my skin is bad and I have two moles on my face and I have crooked teeth and I have frizzy hair. I'm lanky and short and I have skinny legs and my fingers are long and skinny. FUUUCK! Sometimes I wish I could just be like "lord please change this, change all of this cuz I'm even fucked on the inside"
S m h it's three am about to be four and I can't stop thinking about my boy and how disappointed he will be. Welp I'll be sure to update you guys on uhhhh my boyfriends disappointment when he gets here in December.
Bye bye for now
- ya good ol' pal sofa
