Roommate

Chapter 17

"Stop it!"

That makes me pause, she's not one to shout. Keeping the hold on her hands, I lift myself on my elbows slightly, so I can see her, now rather panicked, face. "Jackson talk to me!" Huh? About what? I don't get it. Why is she freaking out? "Jackson, please!" She raises her voice, tugging to get free.

My eyes fall on our hands. I wasn't even aware I'm still pinning her down but at the same time, I don't want to let go. She'll run if I do if the way she's struggling under me is anything to go by. I have no idea how to calm her down. I want her to trust me, I want her to see she can trust me. But it seems that ship has sailed. What do I do, what do I do? I look back at her when I hear her whimper. "I wasn't gonna hurt you." I blurt out.

She stops moving and sniffs. I know I fucked up. "Yeah? It didn't feel that way! What the hell happened?" Yeah, my thoughts exactly. What the hell happened?

I shrug helplessly. "I like it this way." I let go of her hands and sit up. She, on the other hand, doesn't move an inch, keeping her hands on the pillow.

"What do you mean by 'this way'?" she asks quietly, still staring up at me, it's starting to get unnerving. I want her to be smiling at me.

I sigh again. "I like to be the one who calls the shots."

"But that doesn't mean you have to act like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like this, just doing things, ignoring me when I talk to you, it's creepy, and it's scary!"

She sounds like she's about to start crying, I sigh. "I've never had to explain what I wanna do to anyone." Things went from great to shit so quickly and judging by her expression, she only now realizes what I really meant when I said I've never had a girlfriend before, hookers.

"Well, I'm not anyone! I thought there is something between us." She finally moves her hands and pushes them in front of my face hiding her chest with her arms in the process. "Get it off me." She doesn't sound as confident as she'd like to and when I make no immediate move to comply with her request, she adds a "please" that sounds too desperate to my liking.

I guess this is how being helpless feels. I just don't know how to handle this and frankly, I can't just keep her here like this. So I start to work on the knots, sneaking glances at her face to gauge her mood. She seems calmer but still shaken. The second the bounds are off her she sits up and tries to move away but I grab her hand, trying to keep the hold gentle. "Don't hide from me again." When she doesn't say anything, I take a page from her book. "Please." More silence, and I get what I wanted since she no longer looks at me. And I realize I prefer the unnerving staring from before to this. So I try again, the only thing that comes to me. "There is something between us, I feel better with you around. Just tell me what you want me to do to make it right."

"How about you start with letting go of me."

So I do. I slowly ease my hold on her and then let go. I expect her to run off right away, but she stays where she is, looking around her. I look too, even though I don't know what we are looking for. She then reaches for something and when I see her start to put her shirt back on, I become very aware of my own undressed state, with the pants still half down my legs. So I stand and pull them up. I still have the damn hard on and it's obvious she's not gonna help me with it now. I'm not sure if I should go to her or not. She's still sitting on the bed, but she doesn't talk. Should I leave her alone? But it's my room so... I don't know. My train of thought is cut off when she starts talking, thank God because I got nothing.