It Started With A Fire

Chapter 3: What're we going to do?

Chapter 3: What're we going to do?

I know it was a stupid, on the moment decision, but I couldn’t let them take away the only real family that Maura ever had. I care about her too much to let them take him away. So now, I’m sitting in my room, staring at the ceiling in disbelief as the crying goes on. He won’t shut up and I can’t figure out how to get him to stop which is just making this whole damn situation more frustrating.

Maura and Hunter are dead.

Those words taste like venom to me no matter how it is voiced. It seems impossible to be honest. They can’t really be dead, can they? Things were just starting to go right for them. They didn’t have a happy past and I sadly had a small part in that, but things were getting better. Things were going to be fine.

They had a baby together.

They were going to get married.

All these things seem so foreign and unwanted now. It’s just so surreal in a sense. They can’t be gone, it doesn’t even seem possible. But they are and they won’t come back. It’s not even a plausible thought that I want to entertain ‘cos I know it won’t happen. We don’t live in some fucking fairy tale dream land where all your dreams and wishes come true. We live in reality and it’s hell and brutal.

I look over at the crying child next to bed in his car seat, not being able to calm down. His face is bright red and the room is all stuffy, but I don’t know what to do to help. I’m going through a grieving stage and I don’t believe that I can take care of little Ben right now. I have no knowledge of children and I don’t know why I even took him in. I can’t do this. I’m not equipped to do this.

I curl into a ball in the corner of my bed. I run my fingers through my hair, my chin quivering. My own cries mix with Benjamin’s, just nowhere near as loud. I just cry for the loss of my friends, I cry for the loss of Benjamin’s family, I cry for the anger I had felt towards them, and I cry for myself and knowing that I’m going to make Maura and Hunter very disappointed in me ‘cos I have no idea how to take care of their child. I just cry and cry, sobs wrecking my body.

Maura and Hunter are dead. They won’t come back. They won’t come prancing in my door any moment. They won’t laugh at me and tell me I’m gullible. They won’t pick up their son again. They won’t watch him age and take his first steps. They won’t ever hear him say his first word. They won’t settle down. They won’t see me settle down. They won’t grow old together. They can’t do any of that. It was all ripped away from them. It’s like handing a kid an ice-cream cone of their favorite flavor and then knocking it out of their hands on to the ground. The only difference is that little kid will get over his ice-cream.

I could never get over this.

I can’t face never talking to Maura again. I went through that once and it almost killed me. Now I will never talk to her again and I have no choice in the matter. Things were just starting to get better between us too, considering that Hunter and I were finally starting to get along. Things were just going so great.

Now it’s ruined just like their hopes and dreams.

“Whoa mate. Are they here?” Zayn chuckles entering the room. He looks around with a smile until he takes in the scene in front of him. The room is tidy, really tidy, but it’s dark. Plus it contains two humans that are bawling their heart and soul’s out. He turns on a light and gasps at the sight in front of him, tossing his bag onto his bed. He hurries over to little Ben and starts rocking him.

“Why the fuck are you just letting him cry? Where’s his parents? Why are you crying?” he asks me, rocking Ben and patting him on the back, occasionally rubbing soothing circles.

“I don’t know what to do,” I choke out as he keeps bouncing the baby. How is he so good at this? Benjamin is already quieting up a bit.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s Benjamin. H-his parents died Zayn, in a fire. They got the worst death possible,” I spit, stuttering a bit. I’m doing my best to avoid breaking out into sobs again, but I’m having a hard time.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Zayn says a bit angry, sitting down on his bed.

“Police came over and had Ben and they told me everything and they’re gone Zayn. That’s why they were late. They aren’t flying out. They aren’t getting married. We won’t see them ever again,” I explain as best as I can. It’s just so hard though. I can’t even talk correctly from choking on my own tears and spit. I’m having a hard time breathing due to the snot that is clogging up my nose.

“Why do you have their baby then?” Zayn says, smiling in relief a bit that the baby is barely crying anymore. It’s more like just tiny fits of tears and noise. I then proceed to explain to him in great detail as the police had done with me and child care services that I was Ben’s god father and if I didn’t take him, he’d go to a foster home.

“I couldn’t have him grow up the same way Maura did, Zayn. I could never forgive myself. She hated it and she would never want her son there,” I cry, attempting to calm myself.

“How are we going to take care of a baby? We have classes that we need to attend and obviously can’t take him with us. What if the dorm director doesn’t allow us to keep him? What are we going to do?” Zayn asks all the questions that I haven’t thought about. He didn’t even mention how we are going to afford keeping the child and staying in UNI. It’s just a lot and it’s too overwhelming. I just know that I have to do everything in my power to keep him.

“I don’t know Zayn. Please help me. I’ll get a double job and quit taking lessons with the tutor. I’ll skip classes. Please just help me,” I beg Zayn and he sighs, putting Ben in his crib and running his fingers through his hair. He then proceeds to sit on his mattress again and rubs his temples, obviously thinking.

“You can’t miss classes or drop that tutor. If you really want to keep him, you have to get serious about your future so you can provide a good one for him,” he tells me after a moment.

“What am I supposed to do then?” I ask him.

“Uh remember that girl that you met on the bus yesterday that you told me about? The one with the daycare…what was her name…?” Zayn asks obviously thinking and a lightbulb goes off in my head. We obviously didn’t leave off on good terms, but I need her now more than ever. I’m going to have to apologize, something I’m not used to.

“Shawny. I have her card here somewhere,” I tell him, wiping away what little tears remain on my face. I then get up and head over to my desk, almost tripping on all of the shit that belongs to the baby. That child services woman brought it all up, but I haven’t gotten around to setting it up or putting it away. I start rummaging through all of my papers until I find it. I sigh in relief and toss it to Zayn.

“Okay. I guess I’ll go talk to the dorm supervisor while you start thinking of an apology for that Shawny lass, going to whatever extremes you need to. She’s going to have to watch him for a little bit during the day so we can attend classes and on nights when you have work. You’re going to have to start picking up extra shifts too to make money to pay her. Change him while I’m gone too. He soiled his drawers,” Zayn says before leaving. I’m so glad that he’s helping me with this. I know that I could never do this on my own and to have a good mate like him means a lot.

“You’re so lucky that you’re Maura’s,” I mutter, undoing his diaper. I lift his legs up so I can remove the vile thing until I notice that he didn’t just soil his drawers.

“Well, isn’t this fucking dandy?”

~~

A/N: Sorry about the long wait! I had writers block for this particular story. I hope you enjoyed though!

Alex xx