It Started With A Fire

Chapter 7: Bettering Myself

Chapter 7: Bettering Myself

The surprise I felt when Niall offered to help me was an amazing feeling. He knows a lot more about children than I do. This whole thing could actually work. I think I might be able to make. I could give Benjamin the life he needs. He may not have a mother’s nutriment and love, but what Shawny gives him should be enough.

He will grow up fine. He will not be an utter fuck-up. I will graduate college and get an amazing job so he can have somewhere nice to grow up, not in a dorm room or on the streets. Everything will work out for the better. The offering of Niall’s help makes me know that that is true.

My happiness is short lived though when I hear the little hiccups, signaling the tears that are coming soon. I hand him his bottle quickly, hoping that’s what he wants, but it doesn’t seem that way when he lets it fall from his mouth. His cries become louder, attracting attention on the bus. I pick him up, hoping that he just needs to be burped, but that doesn’t seem to be the case either.

“Maybe he needs to be changed,” Niall points out and I nod, pulling out the waist band of his pants and diaper. Sure enough, he had shat himself. Sighing in relief now that I know the problem, I set him back in to his carrier. I search through the diaper bag, but to my dismay, there is no diapers. Shawny couldn’t have mentioned this before? Great. Dandy.

“Do you think you could watch him back at my place while I run to the store?” I ask Niall. I know he’s tired, but he nods. I hand him my keys and hop off the next stop. I walk a few blocks, hoping to find the grocery store and am really happy when I do find one, noticing the pub across the street. My mates are probably there, but I shouldn’t go even though I told them I would.

I walk in and head to the back, Benjamin’s baby bag around my shoulder. I left Niall with the child and a bottle, plus his favourite blanket. They’ll be fine until I get back. I reach the aisle where all the baby supplies are. I grab a bag of diapers and some formula, knowing that I’ll need some here in a moment. I then proceed up and towards the que, waiting as it moves slowly. Finally though, I find myself in front of the cashier, her smiling at me.

I know this lass.

“Liam,” she smirks. I would have never in a million years expected her to work her.

“Dakota,” I respond, handing her the diapers and formula. She turns her head, her brunette hair flipping at the movement since it’s in a ponytail. She raises an eyebrow at me.

“Why do you need baby stuff? Got some lass knocked up, huh?” she says, smirking a bit. I roll my eyes at her. If only she knew that I hadn’t used my dick in almost a month now. The withdrawal is killing me. I guess it’s part of my improving, right?

“No. For your information, it’s my friend’s son. She’s in town and asked me to grab some things for her. She had a long flight,” I spit out through my teeth. Fuck. Why does she have to be so stuck up? Why does she feel that she needs to know everything? I am never coming here again. Zayn will have to come to the store from now on.

She snickers at me, telling me my amount. Nobody could make me any angrier. All these thoughts of Maura and Hunter, plus the fantasies where I strangle Dakota, they’re intoxicating. All I can hear throughout my head are the words from Maura, Hunter, Dakota, Zayn, Andy, and everybody else, laughing at me and telling me that I’ll do fine, but the ones that aren’t encouraging me are stronger. It’s too much. I need to get the fuck away.

I pay for my stuff, walking outside. I take a deep breath, watching the sun set behind the bar. It’s practically an omen. I put the bags in to the diaper bag, rushing across the street. I open the door and the familiar scent of alcohol pulls me in. This is what I need, familiarity. I need to forget.