It Started With A Fire

Chapter 15: Dakota

Chapter 15: Dakota

Fussing.

The simple noise is enough to break me of my concentration and focus on the child instead of studying, a break I'm thankful for. I get up and walk over to the crib where Benjamin is lying down, his eyes closed as he was napping. He must be hungry or needs a diaper change, the usual things. He's normally not fussy for no reason and that's nice for a person like me.

I undo his pants and check the back of his diaper to notice that he didn't have an accident. He just soiled his diaper, an easy fix. I undo the sides and pull it out from under him, chucking it in to the trash. I then grab another one from the bag I have hanging on the side, watching the baby who's now much more awake.

"I'm home and I've brought company!" Zayn shouts as he walks through the front door. I jump in surprise, tossing the diaper on to the floor. I groan as I go to pick it up.

"Thanks for scaring me arsewipe," I say as he closes the door behind him. That's when I notice the female lurking around him and my heart nearly drops. Why would he bring someone home? He knows that people can't know about Benjamin.

"Hello Liam," she says and I recognize her immediately. Dakota. Since when are Zayn and her a thing?

"Dakota," is my simple response as I finish putting Benjamin's diaper on him.

"Is this your friend's baby you're always talking about?" She asks as she walks over to the crib. As if on instinct, I pick the child up and hold him securely in my arms, making sure to keep his head up though he's better at supporting it himself now.

"Uh yeah," I reply to her shock.

"I didn't expect him to be so young nor to see you so dedicated," she says in awe still staring at the child. It concerns me. What if she tells the whole school I have a child? Will Hazel laugh at me? I'm trying to fix things as it is with our last meeting with me around Dakota, but this doesn't seem to be helping. What if she founds out? She won't even give me a chance.

"Are you kidding? He pretty much raises that child on his own," Zayn laughs from across the room. I glare at him, not positive why he's mentioning anything.

"What do you mean?" Dakota asks out of pure curiousity. I'm going to kill him.

"It's a long story," Zayn says much to my surprise. She just nods and sits on Zayn's bed as I sit down on mine. I bounce Benjamin on my knee a bit, him giggling in response.

"Da-da," Benjamin says and I stop, my eyes widening in shock. Did he just? I notice the way that shock overcomes Zayn as well. Benjamin's first words were da-da and directed at me. He shouldn't be saying that to anyone, but Hunter. Pain leaks in to my entirity at the thought of my lost freinds and the real parents of this little boy. How am I doing this?

I'm really trying Maura, I am.

"Why did he just call you da-da?" Dakota asks, but I'm still in shock. Half of me wants to rejoice at his first words and yell it from the rooftop that I'm a success while the other half wants to run away at the fact that he's considering me a parent. I would've never took him in if I didn't care for Maura so much. I hate feelings.

"Liam, you need to remain relaxed. Let me see him for a minute," Zayn says as he approaches me. I almost don't let him take the child, but I know that I'm freaking out and it'd be best if I didn't have him right now.

"Why would he not be relaxed?" Dakota questions, not understanding anything.

"Because I'm not his father!" I nearly shout. I hide my face in my hands, not wanting them to see my mental break-down.

"Yes you are! I'm so sick of telling you this over and over. You're not his biological dad, but by law you own him. You are his father figure and you need to realize that. Maura and Hunter are gone. They aren't coming back and you need to fucking realize that. You're his only parent. You're all he has and he's going to grow up knowing you as his father because you're the closest thing he has to one and you need to over it. Learn to deal with the fact that you are his dad. You can't freak out every time that you feel like you're getting to close to the baby. He just said his first words! We should be celebrating, not watching you freak out," Zayn says obviously upset with my outburst,

For the first time though, I don't fight him back. I know that he's right. I didn't realize it until now, but I guess I always have been hoping that Maura and Hunter would come back. I didn't want them to be dead and never come back, but I know now that it's inevitable. They can't come back and I made not only them, but myself a promise that I will take care of their son as if he was my own. technicaly, he is. I am his guardian and I can't freak out if he wants to think of me as his father. I need to get my shit together. I've been trying to make it so that Benjamin can have a good life in general by improving my education so I can get a job that allows me to make more money. I never thought about what I could be doing to him mentally. I'm just making sure that all of his needs are met besides the most important need, love. I haven't been loving him though I've been making sure that all of his other needs are taken care of.

I totally suck at this parenting thing.

"You know what, you're right Zayn. I'm going to clean up my act. How should we celebrate his first words?" I ask him. He knows much more about this stuff considering that he's the oldest in his family and has helped raise quite a few of his sisters.

"I guess you could go buy him a cake? I don't know much about this stuff mate," Zayn laughs. I roll my eyes, but nod assuring him that I'll be back soon. I quickly make my to the store, hearing Zayn explain everything to Dakota as I leave. I want to make things right in my life. I want to balance dating, school work, Benjamin and friends. Speaking of dating, I really need to fix things with Hazel. My life is just a mess right now.