Negans weakness

Chapter 29

       
After Hunter left I decided to just to go to bed. I laid down and tried my best to go to sleep but my mind kept on going. Thinking of different scenarios where my plan can go completely wrong. We could not get the farthest house to search while on the run, somebody figures out our plan and Negan kills us both. And the list just goes on and on.
     I decided I had enough and I decided to go get some water from the cafeteria. I moved the covers off of me and put on my shoes. I opened the doors and looked both ways to make sure nobody was there. I knew what I was doing wasn't against the rules of anything but I would really like to avoid another Jake incident. I got the chills just thinking about that man.
When I got to the cafeteria I got some water and sat down at my usual spot. I have never seen it this quite before, it's actually pretty uncomfortable. I was waiting for a rat to run by or something but instead I got something much worse.
"Well look who we have here." I hear a chilling voice say near the entrance. I didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Negan but I did anyways. I walks in clicking his tongue getting closer to me.
How come every time I think I'm getting a break from him he is always appears? "What do you want?" I ask spitting out the word. "Is it that time of the month again?" He asks while taking seat next to me. "F*ck off." I say being saltier than usually. "D*nm! You know if anybody else would have said that to me they would be getting the iron right now." He is leaning closer and closer to my face but for some reason I haven't backed away. "But for you, you just made me get more turned on than I already am. And to be honest that's pretty f*cking hard to do." He says chuckling
I don't say anything as he is looking all over my body. "You are so beautiful." He says almost in a whisper. That makes my heart stop. Why is that making my heart stop? "I can see him starting to lean in. I don't move as his smooth lips slowly touch mine. His lips were much softer than I imagined. I felt his hand softly touch the back of my neck as our lips moved in sync.
I couldn't do it any longer, my lungs were longing for air. I puclled back and let my lungs breathe. I open my eyecs and me and Negan are still really close and both out of breathe. He starts chuckling "Oh, you have no idea how long I have wanted to do that."
I can't believe I just did that. I was still in so much shock I couldn't move. I felt so disgusted with myself I couldn't even look up at Negan. I couldn't be in there any longer. I snapped out of the state I was in and quickly got out of my chair. I heard the legs of the the chair rubbing across the floor making that awful loud screeching sound when I backed up. I quickly fast walked out of the doors the only sound I could hear was my shoes hitting the floor with every step I took.
My vision was getting so blurry it was getting hard to see were I was going. I was so close to letting the tears fall down my cheek, it took everything I had not to. I wasn't going to cry because of somebody like Negan.
I quickly went to the bathroom and got my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth. I knew this would do nothing but I had to do something. Once I finished I decided to splashed some cold water on my face to try to calm down. The cold water on my face took my breathe away but I was still freaking out.
I can't believe I kissed a man who killed one of my only friends in here because he wanted me to fear him. A man who treats people like they are his slaves. And yet I liked it.