Negans weakness

Chapter 61

I woke up to the Sun shinning in my face.  I squinted and looked over on the other side of the bed to see that Negan wasn't there.  Maybe I just dreamt that he came in here last night but as if on que the bathroom door opens and Negan walks out brushing his teeth.  "Morning sunshine." He mumbles and smirks as he walks back in the bathroom and spits out the toothpaste and splashes some water in his mouth before spitting that out.  My heart starts to flutter when he says that but I made sure not to let him see it.

"When are we heading out?" I asked him as I redid my hair.  "Whenever you are ready." he says and I nodded my head and got out of bed and headed over towards the bathroom I looked in all of the drawers and couldnt find another toothbrush.  I just shrug as I get his back out and put toothpaste on it.  Beside kissing wouldn't be any worse I tell myself as I continued brushing my teeth.  "You are really going to use my toothbrush?" He asked me with a small smile on his lips "You didn't tell me how long the trip was so I didn't bring one so fuck yeah I am" I tell him mumbling I wasn't sure if he got all of that but he smirked and nodded his head so I assumed so.  He walked out soon after I am assuming to go get the car ready.  

Once I was done I walked out and saw him finnishing loading everything up "you ready?" he asked me and I just nodded my head and we got into the car and started heading out. 

After a couple hours of driving we were at the neighborhood where we stopped at.  I was looking out the window and I saw something that scared me to my core.  There was a walker that was infront of us and she had on jeans and a dark red rain jacket.  I immediately sat up "No No No" I started saying out loud "What's wrong?" Negan asked and I could feel him staring at me.  "Stop the car" I tell him as we pass the walker.  "What?" he asked confused? "Stop the fucking car" I tell him a little bit louder and he pushes on the brake but I started getting out of the car before it even stopped. "Where the hell are you going?" He asked me but I ignored him as I got my bow out of the back.  I put an arrow in the bow and pulled back aming it at the walker.  

She was about a hundred yards away from her but I was sure it was her.  I lined her up with my sights and released the bow sending her to the ground.  I walked up to her and got my arrow out and started looking around for any signs of her kids.  "Now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?" He asked me.  "Help me look for her kids" I tell him as I start making my way over towards the nearest house. "What?" He asked more confused than ever.  "Just please just do this for me." I ask him not waiting for a response as my fast walk quickly turned into a run.  He didn't say anything but I heard him running behind me.  

We were on our thrid house and our chances of finding them were turning slim.  I knocked down the door with my bow raised as I stared heading forward and Negan goes upstairs. I started walking in one of the hallways to start checking the rooms when I heard a faint cry.  Every muscle in my body stopped as I waited to hear it again.  And sure enough I heard the faint cry coming from the room beside me.  I quickly opened the door but the room was empty.  I put the bow on the floor as I bent down and looked under the bed but it was empty.  I got back up and started heading towards the closet.  I opened up the closet door and saw the little boy on the ground hugging his knees.  

I immediately dropped my bow and sunk down to his level.  Tears were streaming down his face as he was too scared to look at me.  " Hey" I tell him softly "Do you remember me?"  He slowly moves his head up and looks at me.  He looked like he hasn't slept in days.  He slowly nods "Where is your sister?" I ask him but deep down I already knew the answer.  He shakes his head and my heart just broke for him.  I was about to say something but instead he quickly stood up and hurried up and gave me a hug.  I was shocked at first but I quickly hugged back.  I was doing everything in my power not to start crying because of this boy and what he has been through.

I could hear Negan walking down the hallway "Hailey, how much longer do you want to kee-" he starts to tell me but quickly stops when he looks in the room and sees the kid.  I could see his eyes going soft as he looked at the boy.  I picked the kid up as he put his head on my shoulder and wraps his legs around my waist.  "will you grab my bow?"  I asked him as I stared making my way out with the boy.  He just nodded and went in the room to grab it.   "is that the bad man you were telling my mommy about."  He asked in a low whisper.  This broke my heart even more.  I moved my free arm and started gently rubbing his back "no it's not.  I took care of the bad man don't worry "

Once we got back in the truck he sat on my lap and his head was on my chest.  I was rubbing his back and slowly swaying back and forth.  It was almost like this came natural to me.  He was still crying a little bit but I didn't know how to help him besides to just hold him.  Negan got in the car soon after and just gave me that 'what the hell is going on' face.  I didn't say anything to him because I was going to wait for the boy to fall asleep.  Negan knew that too so he didn't say anything to me and just started the truck and started heading back towards the Santuary. 

The whole time we were driving I couldn't help but think how all of this was my fault.  I am the one who told them that they needed to get out of the house or else Negan would find them.  I forced that mother to take her children back into that god awful world with only a pistol to protect all of them.  I how could I have been so stupid?  I could feel the tears start to fall and I did everything in my power to hold them back but it wasn't working.  I could feel the burning in my throat as I was fighting to hold them back.

It was one after another until they started falling like a waterfall.  I turned toward the window so Negan wouldn't see me but it didn't work.  "what's wrong?"  he asked me with a concerned tone. I didn't look up at him instead I leaned over to look at the boys face and say that his eyes were closed.  "It's my fault." I say with my eyes closed and in a voice lower than a whisper.  "what do you mean?" He asked me.  I opened my eyes but just continued to look at the boy.  "When we were in that house there was a mother and two kids in one of the bedrooms.  I told her that she needed to hurry up and get out and go to another house for the night just until we left." I tell him as I started crying harder.  

I hurried up and covered my mouth to try to muffle my cries so the boy wouldn't wake up.  "You were scared of what I was going to do.  Weren't you?" He asked me in a low voice.  I couldn't answer that question so I just nodded my head yes.  I wasn't looking at him but I knew that that hurt him.  " I just didn't want them to have to go back to the santuary.  They would of had to work for points and that her daughter would of had to be scared of people like Jake." I tell him in a broken voice.  He didn't say anything to this and I honestly didn't blame him.  

I knew that he must be hurt that I hid that family from him even if he doesn't show it.  I couldn't even get myself to look at him so I just kept my eyes straight.  I knew that I am probably not ready for him to answer this question but I had to ask it.  "If you were to find that family instead of me." I take a pause before finishing the question becuase I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to know the truth but I decided against my gut and finished the question  "What would you have done with them?" 

He doesnt answer this question for a while and for a bit I didn't think he was going until he shifted his weight and started talking.  "Honeslty I don't have a fucking clue.  I'm not mad about what you did.  I can't blame you I did that to you and then not even a week after you were there Jake happened.  But I just thought you new me better to know that I wasn't going to hurt them."   I tells me while still not looking my way and I don't say anything.  

The boy was still asleep when we got back to the santuary.  Negan got straight out of the car and didnt look back at me.  I sighed and started to wake the boy up.  "Hey, we are here" I tell him while patting his back.  He slowly lifts his head off of my chest and looks around with his eyes squinting.  "We are going to go inside and we are going to get you any kind of food that you like.  Does that sound like a plan?" I asked him and he slowly just nods his head.  I opened up the door and helped him get out and then I got out.  We were walking side by side until I feel somebody touch my hand.  I looked down and saw the little boy holding my hand as we were walking.  This put a smile on my face.

We were about to go inside the building when somebody walked beside me and started talking to me.  "We have some extra food inside for the kid if youll just follow me I can show you." The man says with a smile.  I nod my head and follow his lead inside the building.