Bucket List | Jack Duff

t w en t y - e i g h t

*could potentially be triggering towards people who have family members or friends with leukemia or have lost family members or friends to it. if you feel like you cannot put yourself through the strain of reading this, please don't, i don't want to see you upset* 

ARIA

Things are getting worse. It's all starting to hurt and it's all coming in one big massive wave, so they've got me hooked up to all these painkillers to put me in less discomfort. I keep hearing the doctors whispering to Jack and my parents that my health is deteriorating, like they think I can't hear them when I can, and it's getting on my nerves.

"Where's Jack gone?" I asked Andy, looking up from my phone to find he'd disappeared.

"He's just gone across the road to get some food, he won't be long" he said. "Besides, am I not good enough for you?". He chuckled and I smiled at him.

"Well, if you're willing to get in bed beside me and give me a cuddle then that will be brilliant. I'm in a bit of pain and I want to cuddle someone to distract myself" I said softly, and Andy got up from his chair and slid into bed beside me. It'd been a long time since we'd done this, and for some reason, it felt good. We used to do this when we were kids, get into bed beside each other and just cuddle. I haven't done it since I was like twelve, and forgot what it feels like

"It's been a long time since we've done this" he said softly and I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck as he spoke. "I almost forgot what it feels like"

"I guess this brings out the kid in us again" I chuckle and I felt him drape his arm over me and pull me closer. It was nice to just have him there, the feeling of him being beside me causing all pain to wither and leave me with a sense of relaxation. 

"Are you scared?" Andy asked me after a few minutes of silence. "I mean, to die I guess"

"Worded that very strongly Mr Fowler" I said and he chuckled.

"You know what I mean" he said, trying to save himself.

"I joke with you" I said. "And the answer to your question, no, I'm not scared. I was when I collapsed because I didn't know what was going on and when they told me back in Paris what was happening, I was frightened then too. I guess I've kinda come to terms with things now and it isn't frightening me anymore because I know I'm going to be surrounded by people who care about me, and that's the most important thing to me. As long as I'm not alone"

"You won't be alone" Andy said and I turned myself around slowly so I was facing him instead of having my back turned. "I won't let you be alone"

I had no words to say to him which would express my appreciation towards him, so I started playing with his hair instead and we stayed like that until he fell asleep, not having slept that well in the past few days and things having caught up to him.

I was drifting off myself when I heard somebody walk into the room, and assuming it was Jack, I let myself fall asleep, the pain subsiding as I fell into an oblivion. 

.

.

.

.

I don't know how long I'd slept for, but when I awoke I immediately felt the missing presence of Andy as he'd disappeared from beside me. I felt cold, like I'd suddenly been shoved into a fridge, and wished that he was still lay beside me keeping me warm.

The pain had dispersed slightly, and I could move without crying out, so I sat myself up to find I was alone. The room was empty, the lights were off and there was nobody there. Not even Nicole was there, and she was always here when nobody else was.

I was confused, and slightly panicked, because there was always somebody here no matter what but thought better of getting myself into a full blown panic and decided to text Jack to see where he was. I didn't want to be alone much longer.

aria: jack, where tf is everyone? i'm alone, pls come back

jack: you're not alone though shh, you're with rye. i would never leave you alone

jack: and besides, i'm just downstairs grabbing a coffee, i won't be long x

aria: i can't see rye? all i can see is darkness and nothing else

jack: that's why you can't see him. turn your torch on.

I did what Jack had instructed me to do, and my torch lit up the whole room - this was the point where I realised he was right, and I wasn't alone. Rye was curled up on the armchair across the room, asleep, a blanket draped over his shoulders. I'll be surprised if that wasn't Andy.

aria: i can see him now. could've told me he was asleep

jack: he was awake when we left, must've only just fallen asleep

jack: now that i think about it, that explains why andy took so long when he came up to grab his charging plug to charge his phone

aria: why am i not surprised

aria: come back soon though, i'm cold

jack: will be five minutes, hold on for me?

aria: always

I tried to keep myself warm while I waited for Jack, and he didn't lie, returning within five minutes, the three other members of his band trailing along behind him. They all scattered within the room, Jack not even having to ask what I wanted before climbing into bed beside me, returning the feeling of having the warmth of somebody there.

"I knew you had something to do with that" I said to Andy as he sat on the arm of the chair Rye was sleeping on, playing with his hair. "There was no way a blanket just miraculously appeared"

"Hey shhh" he said, going all shy on us. "I couldn't just leave him like that"

"Next time though" I said to them all. "Leave me a note when you leave"