Bucket List | Jack Duff

t w e n t y - t w o

ARIA

"Come here" Rye said to Brooklyn as we were chilling backstage. Jack and Andy had just quickly gone to Maccies, hidden within black hoodies and sunglasses so fans didn't see them, and Mikey had gone to mingle with the Alstar team who were upstairs setting up merch; they'd left me with Rye and Brooklyn, who seemed to be in too chipper a mood for 11am in the morning.

"Why?" Brooklyn then asked unsure, taking a step back from him.

"Just come here" Rye said, and I could see the smirk behind his eyes, and I knew he was planning something devilish, but I couldn't figure out what.

"No, you're gonna hit me" Brook said, running away from Rye and diving onto the couch beside me. "Ari, save me, Rye's gonna hit me, save me before he does". He buried his head into my shoulder and I laughed pressing my hands over him.

"No hitting your brother" I said to Rye. "Usually Andy does this but because he's not here, I'm the mum in charge so you have to listen to me"

"Please" Rye said. "I'll be gentle. I just have so much pent up energy today and I don't know what to do to get rid of some of it before the show starts"

"Go and run around upstairs with the girls, if they'll let you. You know you can always get your energy out on them" I said and Rye's eye's lit up. There were no words spoken, and he dashed upstairs.

"But I wanna go and see Jess" Brooklyn said. "Can I go?"

"I'll come with you" I said, getting up. "I wanna go and see the girls"

Brooklyn gave me a look, and I smiled at him, and he knew.

This was a one off gig the boys were doing today in Glasgow with Alstar, and the fans knew it was a charity gig for Teenage Cancer Trust, but they didn't really know the TRUE meaning behind all this. None of the fans knew I didn't have very long left, and they didn't know this would be my last time seeing the boys perform on a stage. This was my last time with the Alstar crew, who knew what was happening and knew what was going to happen, and I would never see any of them again after this; we'd been together for nearly three years now, and it was the most heartbreaking thing to realise today was our final day together.

Brooklyn immediately ran to Jess, hugging her and taking her into his arms and she chuckled, squirming away from him jokingly when he held on too long for her liking. I walked over to where Jess and Kira were both greeting Brook and Rye, and smiled.

"Hey guys" I said and the girls smile. Kira came over to me and hugged me without a word and Jess joined in, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was going to cry. I was decently okay at hiding my emotions when it came to my illness butt hes two girls in front of me were two of my best friends and the thought of leaving them both behind without even having spent too much of my life with them was a heartbreaking thought for me.

I sat them both down on the merch table, and Brook and Rye left us alone.

"I can admit to you guys" I said to them as we sat together. "That was the first time in a long time that I felt like I was gonna cry. Today is a huge day, and it's crazy to think this is the last time I'm going to see you all". Jess was about to speak but I stopped her.

"Before you say anything, I want you to do something for me" I said to them. "Don't cry today. Try your best not to, because today isn't a sad day. It's a happy day. We're gonna raise a shit ton of money for TCT and I want my last day of seeing the boys perform to be an amazing one. I want to remember this day forever"

There were no words the girls could speak to make things better for them, so they just hugged me again, and I felt loved and content, some of the most love I'd felt in a really long time. This is what it feels like to be happy.

.

.

.

.

"Okay guys" Andy started off by speaking, which set the fans off into a chorus of screams, and I noticed him give Kira a little wink from where he was standing. "We're going to sing a song now which we've only ever sang live ONCE. You guys will have heard this before, as it's on our EP Tokyo Hotel, but we don't sing it live". He jumped down to a girl who was on the front row and gave her the microphone.

"Do you know what it is?" he asked her and she smiled shyly.

"Not Giving Up" she said and Andy hugged her from behind the barrier.

"She is correct!" he shouted, climbing back up onto stage. "This is, Not Giving Up"

The backing track began playing and Jack started his solo.

"I'm tryna open up your doors, I know
that you've been here before. Girl it's
you and me or nothing"

He caught me eye from the side of the stage and grinned at me. I chuckled, and Brooklyn started his solo, Jack's gaze never once breaking from me.

"You cry yourself to sleep at night, I
promise you a better life. Relationsips
are based on loving"

Jack winked at me slightly, and then carried on looking out at the crowd until it came to a solo that originally belonged to Andy, but they had let Jack take it. It was then that he stared.

"I can't deny that, you've got my

heart, on lock. Baby you know, I'myours. I'm not giving up, giving up,giving up on you"

I felt myself beginning to tear up as I remembered why I was here, and I saw Jack blink hard as if he were trying not to cry himself. The boys continued the rest of the song together and engulfed each other in a group hug, them all very close to tears now before they recollected themselves and continued on with their set.

It was hard for me to look at them after that, and I knew it was because I was feeling it a little bit inside. This was truly the last time I would see them perform, and it hurt to know that. I was being deprived of something that I loved most, and it was hard to hold a strong face about the whole situation. It genuinely was hard.

Jack gave me a look from side of stage and I tried to best to smile at him, but couldn't make it work, and he knew immediately. He whispered to Andy and the next thing I knew he was off stage and stood with me, taking me into his arms and cuddling me.

It was this that set me off crying, but it was lie he knew already.

"It's okay" he said, holding my head with one hand and holding my waist with the other. "I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere"