When I See You Again (gxg)

Fix you

If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.
--

"That's a really great poem. "Ally complimented as we're heading towards the cafeteria.

"But who is it for? I didn't know you have someone in your heart already. "she inquired. Her brows furrowing in question.

From the corner of my eye I can see Lauren watching our exchange.

"It's nothing."I said. "And it's for no one in particular. Just random stuffs I made up for the sake of good grades. "I lied knowing very well that she's listening.

"Good."Ally said

"Cause you're already mine. "she held my hand and gave me a heartwarming smile.

What a silly girl.

I'm really lucky to have her.

She's really pretty and sweet .If she's not my friend I would've fallen head over heels for her but I wouldn't commit the same mistake twice.

My heart can only take so much pain in a lifetime.

Once we reached the cafeteria we were greeted by our friends. And of course they were thrilled to meet Lauren.

And just like what I thought, they loved her. Because it's really hard not to. She's sweet, kind, patient and beautiful. Just like what I remembered her to be. Which made this predicament even harder.

A few minutes in their conversation and it feels like I've already heard enough.

She said that her father had a job to finish in our area and that they have to move again.

"It's really not a big deal. I've actually lived here back then and now I guess I'll be fixing the things that I left unsolved in the past. "she said. I pretended not to listen but I know exactly what she means.

But how about my heart? It took a lot of time and effort just to fix and mend the broken pieces.

And now what?

She'll come barging in my life again like nothing happened?

I've been put through a lot of pain in my life. But there's nothing more painful than getting you're heart broken.

It's not an experience I'm willing to relive again.

Should I be happy because she's now back and willing to fix the things that she left? Or should I be mad at her for leaving the way she did?

I maintained a cold and nonchalant expression. I didn't participate in their conversation.Nor laugh at their silly jokes. Or even smile at the harmless banter of Nic and Mason.I didn't eat anything at all.

And of course my friends noticed the sudden change in my behavior.I told them that I'm just feeling under the weather and there's nothing to worry about so they let it go.

"I'm just going to the washroom. "I excused myself.

I need to be far away from her as much as possible. Having her in the same place suffocates me. It's as if she's taking my breath away.

Once I arrived,I instantly opened the faucet and washed my face.

I tried recollecting myself.

Hold yourself together Erin. You've worked so hard just to mend your broken heart so don't waste it. Wake up. It's been years, surely your feelings for her has changed right?

Right?

I asked myself.

Right.

But just when I thought I've already pulled myself together the door opened.

"Hey. "she said. Her voice soft and melodious.

"I know you're not really happy to see me again but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and that I'm willing to do anything just to earn your forgiveness. "

She tried to come nearer but I stopped her.

"Don't." She froze and looked at me expectantly.Waiting for me to say something. Anything.

So I did.

"I'm not sure what came over you and transferred here just like that. But you can't just do that. You can't just come barging in my life and hope that everything will go back to the way they used to. Yes I loved you... "

I think I still do but she doesn't need to know that.

"But it's been years. If you're asking for forgiveness for leaving me and breaking my heart then you're already forgiven but if you're asking to enter my life once again then that's an entirely different story. I'm sorry Lauren. I know what we had was really special but you can't just do that. You don't know how much pain I've been through when you left me.The rejection is understandable but I didn't just lose someone I have feelings for.I lost my best friend and that's twice as painful." I closed my eyes because this is just getting too much.

"Things are different now. I learned to live without you and I think you should too." I continued.

I'm literally trying to suppress my feelings right now but I can't. I can feel my tears stinging and blurring my eyes.

I thought I'm done crying because of her. But I guess I was wrong.

"I'm sorry..I'm not going to bother you anymore if that's what you want. " I can see that she's crying too.

"But I want to tell you that you're not the only one who suffered.I lost my best friend too-my soul mate and It seems like I'm going to lose her forever because of my stupidity. "she said. Her voice strained as she walked out of the door.

Great.

Now I have to find an excuse for my bloodshot eyes.

I thought as I continued to cry until my throat went dry and the tendons in my eyes wore out.

I cried until I'm dry inside.

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Yay. Another one. This broke my heart. I hope you like it.

Thank you for reading and supporting this story. I love y'all.

The quote above is from Mitch Albom and the song is called fix you by cold play.

Thank you again.

Xoxo.