My History Teacher (Frerard Fic) DISCONTINUED

Chapter 20- Frank's POV

I laid awake after Gee had fallen asleep. His words replayed over and over in my head. Did I miss my mother? Of course I did. I loved her with all my heart. But could I ever forgive her? Maybe not.

I dont understand why he was so persistent tonight about it. Its not his mother, so why is he bothering. I know he is trying to help, but deep down I think he is making things worse.

I love Gerard though, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I wouldn't leave him, just so I could have a mother. If she was my mother, she would have fully accepted me for me, like she cared for me.

The hours ticked by and I kept tossing and turning. It finally came to 6AM and I gave up on sleep and decided to get up. Gerard looked so peaceful, so I clambered out of bed carefully so I didn't wake him. I threw on some clothes and ran my hands through my hair to tame it in some way.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I needed to go for a walk or something. I trudged into the kitchen and wrote a note out for Gee, so he wouldn't freak out. I grabbed my jacket and walked out of the door.

I stepped outside and was greeted by the chilling morning air. For late November, early December it was pretty chilly. I climbed into my car and drove to the nearest lake. The nearest one had a pretty large forest that I could walk through, as well as around the lake itself.

Once I had arrived, I parked the car and stepped out. It was quiet and desolate. Exactly what I needed to try and clear my head. Everything was so confusing and everything was stressful. I started walking through the forest, the only sounds to be heard were the chirps of the morning birds and the snap of twigs under my boots. The sun beamed through the treetops, which caused the sun rays to scatter apart and my breath clouded in front of my face. For that moment, I didn't feel real. I felt out of place to be somewhere this pretty in the early morning.

I just walked and walked. Why did it have to be this way? Why does there have to be so much  bullshit every single time I managed to be happy? Why was everything so fucked up? There were so many questions that I couldn't possibly answer. 

My mind flicked to the gorgeous man, i left in bed. I remembered the hurt on his face the night before after I snapped at him. He didn't deserve any of that. He has been through so much shit and I was pulling him down. Yes he loves me but, i don't deserve him. He is too good for me. He has tried to do so much for me to make me happy and I have done fuck all for him.

I am such a shit boyfriend. I am a shit son and I am a shit friend. I mean I haven't even spoken to Ray for a while and I disappointed my mother. Why am I such a fuck up. I was pulled out of my thoughts, when my phone buzzed. Gerard's caller I.D popped up and I didn't have the strength to answer it. I let it ring out and then a message from him popped up.

'Hi baby, you okay? Where did you go, I got a little worried from the note. Please answer me <3 xxxx'  

I sighed heavily. I looked up from my phone and looked around. I had seemingly walked to a secluded lake area, far from the main lake, I parked my car at. I had been walking around for a couple hours when I glanced at the time on my phone.

I sat on a nearby rock and just let all my emotions drain from my body. I sobbed silently. Why couldn't things just be easy for us? Why do i have to make it complicated and fuck things up?

I could've just answered him, but i didn't. I was making things unnecessarily complicated and straining our relationship. I loved Gerard, but was I stupid thinking it could work out? We were both a mess. I promised I could help him and that i'd fix him. But I haven't done anything for it. I make empty promises that I can't fulfil and that makes me feel useless.