The Lust That Hides The Love

Nineteen-Kiss

Rainbow's Pov

Of course we didn't talk about it.

I left that morning and she stayed until the next day. I guess her mother drove her home.

I didn't stop thinking about it. I found that I couldn't as I stared at my blank notebook page in my English class that Thursday.

Why did I do that?

The question kept rattling through my head. I'd wanted to kiss Opal for literal years, but the bliss I felt for that one second was nothing compared to the guilt I felt afterward.

The professor dismissed us and I gathered my things, anxious to leave. I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss.

Opal's going to hate me forever.

I sighed as I sat down in my car.

She has a girlfriend.

I could only hope she hadn't told Sugilite yet. I was pretty sure Sugilite hated me, but even if she didn't she definitely would.

Why did I do that?

I knew why. I was hysterical. One minute I was sitting in Gregs van, the next twenty years had passed and Steven went from a child born to a middle-class family to a man who never left that van. I was furious. Steven deserved a better life, damn, Greg deserved a better life. But Greg had no family and that was better than what Steven had. An empty family.

It was somewhere between leaving the van and kissing Opal that I realized that no matter what, I was Steven's only family besides Greg. And as his only family, it was my job to give him the life Rose would've wanted.

If I didn't feel completely alone before, I certainly did then. Having a dead sister, a father I probably wouldn't see again for years, and a mother with the livelihood of a glue stick was hard enough on me with having to worry about Steven.

Poor young Steven. Steven with his deadbeat dad and his dead mom, Steven with his grandparents who never wanted to see him again because he took their baby away, Steven with his aunt who could barely take care of herself, much less give him the love and support he needed. Who was I to complain when I didn't even have as little as Steven?

In the end, Steven was the lucky one. He never met Rose, so he never had to deal with the pain of losing her. He never knew his grandparents to wonder why they were so sad. He never had an aunt who didn't care about anyone but herself, her sister, and Opal Baroque.

Opal Baroque. It felt shameful to even let her name pass my mind. I kissed her because I realized, for real this time, that my life would never be the same again. I kissed her because I wanted to say sorry for everything I'd ever done that had caused her pain. I kissed her because I knew that that might have been my last chance to.

I kissed Opal Baroque. And then I ran. I ran away as fast as I could.

Of course we didn't talk about it.

Opal's Pov

Of course we didn't talk about it.

That was all I thought about all week.

Why did she do that?

Of course Rainbow had come onto me before. But that was always different. Beforehand, it was pure lust. But that kiss?

Sugilite didn't know. I didn't tell her. I couldn't bring myself to. She hated Rainbow, so even telling her that I would be driving with her in a car for three hours would've set her off.

Oh God, what was wrong with me?

Rainbow left after that. She'd told my mother she had a term paper due and left without a goodbye. I was upset. She ran away. And days later, I still couldn't figure out what she'd run away from. Was it from me? Was she afraid of my anger? Was it the kiss? Was she afraid of her actions? Was it herself?

Was she so afraid to face who she was, that she had to leave without saying a word to me? She'd just kissed me, something I'd never expected, but then she refused me even the right to sit with her and talk about it.

Just talk about it, that's all I wanted to do. I didn't want to hurt her. Because she'd kissed me. And I'd liked it.

Of course we didn't talk about it.