Alive II Yoonmin

30

Sprint, crawl, or even walk to the door is the first thing I want to do but don't because in the end I'll end up right back to where I started. I stare at the photo hoping to come up with a different explanation than the only one forming in my head. I turn to give attention the male besides me.

"You can run now if you want, I just thought it'd be wrong to keep this from you."

He'd be the first to think that. 

"Uh...no I-I'm not going anywhere, yet at least."

As much as I've expressed my discomfort, I can't just leave. Jungkook has been the first in all this time that has delivered some sort of answers or been an ugly reminder as to who I really use to be. It's become clear to me that I was someone who couldn't uphold one partner or held different ones at the same time. My first question originates from that thought. 

"Well..." Jungkook huffs out. "I kind of started our sneaking around. You and Jimin weren't exactly officially together so I thought it was okay."

"What about Hoseok?"

Jungkook stands up and run his hands through his brown hair distress. The air in the room tenses as do our selves. Despite the discomfort the topic instills in us both, I don't plan to leave without getting some answers. This man is my opening back into my old self, getting to know who the real me was and not the portrayal everyone tells stories of. Perhaps I mistaken in coming to learn of my past ways but I can't continue on not knowing who I was so in desperation I beg to Jungkook to tell me what he knows. 

"Hyu-No Yoongi, everything back then was complicated." He swings his hands in air for a second before settling down in the chair. "I think you're better off just not knowing all that went on back then. You got your consciousness cleared, do you understand how much people wish for that?"

"No I don't, tell me."

Jungkook concerned eyes looked me over. I catch a hint of curiosity in his eyes and when he sighed in defeat, I knew I had him. He promises to tell me what he can or will try so he orders some room service to prepare himself. As we wait for the food he tells me of how he met, it was through his brother of course. 

"You were a friends of Jimin's. You guys met in a cemetery, Jimin was giving flowers to our mother when he claimed to have ran into you. He never really told me why you were there so I was told to assume you knew someone who passed away and I did because really what else could you be doing there. Anyway you were twenty, I was still a teenager and you were annoying."

"Annoying?" I interrupt. 

He lifts his lips up in disgust. "Yes, very."

The younger goes on to list the reasons why he described me as such. While he does so I can definitely agree with him just why he'd believe so. I would bother the boy in whatever ways I could, with mocking phrases, sounds, and anything I seemed to have found suitable. Eventually the food comes and he finally tells me what I want to know. 

"March 8th, Jimin got called for something at school and left me with you. You were drinking and without my brother around, you needed company. I was the only one around. It'd be a lie to tell you I had no interest in you before hand so I'll tell you now, I liked you. I was an idiot and let the beverage control me. To say the least, you got what you wanted in the end. Someone to toy with when neither one of your other two wanted you. I kind of hate you Yoongi."

Hate is a strong word but he had all the right to use it. I was awful. 

"I'm...sorry."

I wasn't sure what else I could say nor where to look. Tears were welling in the corner of his eyes as he kept on chewing his food. I don't say anything and let things process in my head. I feel that no matter how much I try there no way to twist my actions to appear valid or reasonable. I was a shit of a human being. I stand up seeing he might be done wanting me in his presence. 

"Thank you for telling me, I'll get going."

I walk to the door but he calls out to me.

"Are you sure? I wanted to tell you more."

Fuck it all. 

"Tell me everything."

Jungkook smile turns into a laugh and the awkward tension disappears. I sit back down and he goes on to tell just what I wish to know. He and I were something occasional, gestures here and there that meant nothing since I used him only as a back up for when who I wanted was not there. When Hoseok and Jimin were not willing to deal with me, he was. The man claimed our relationship grew to be more than just the once in a while occurring intimate acts. I told him my troubles, stress, and anything useless then but valuable now. 

"You use to come to me and go 'He's being so annoying'" Jungkook repeated my mocking voice complaining about his brother. I laugh hard at impression. It feels so good. 

For the first time I meet someone whose not mysterious, clueless, or hiding things from me. 

"You were such an asshole." Jungkook keeps on giggling and I can't help but join him. Sure it was an insult but I don't blame him because he spoke the truth. If I was in another body analyzing my old self, I'd hate him too. He sounds just awful. 

Our exchange ends when I get a call asking of my whereabouts from a concerned Hoseok. I promise him to be home as soon as possible so I get up to leave. Jungkook walks me to the door where I thank him deeply for seeming real unlike everyone else. 

"See even now you need me." He smiles. "I'll see you soon then?"

I nod my head. "Perhaps tomorrow?"

"Perhaps."

Once again I express my deepest thanks then step out to walk to ground level but he stops me. His hand latches itself onto my left cheek and his lips onto my right one. Like our previous meeting, he whispers words that haunt to me in the hours to come. 

"Don't let them fool you baby."

~'~'~'

I really don't want to do my hw. 

Hope you enjoyed! 

{Ciel1l}