Eat a Bag Of Dicks! (Joshler) [✓]

28) the big question

✦

josh looks down at the grocery list in his hand with detest. he doesn't know what several of the items on it even are.

he knows the general items like potato chips and strawberries and whatnot, but what the fuck is paprika and why does tyler need x2 of it.

he shakes his head and grabs a shopping cart, deciding to do the easy things first and then worrying about paprika later.

he goes to the produce aisle first and crosses strawberries, green beans, bell peppers, lettuce, carrots, blueberries, baby tomatoes and blackberries off the list.

he scowls at the carrots because ew carrots are gross and taste like dirt.

he then makes his way all around the store, grabbing what he needs when he sees it and crossing it off the list.

he's then left with just four items left: paprika, rutabaga, cantaloupe, and pomegranate.

he knows what cantaloupe is, he just can't find it, but he has no idea what the other three foods are.

the thought of having to ask for help makes him want to rip his skin off so he decides to just call tyler.

said boy answers after a few rings, "hello?"

josh grins, "hey, 'tis your bus boy for the afternoon, and i'm having a bit of trouble," he admits.

tyler hums, telling him to continue.

"okay, so i don't know a few of the items on the list. more specifically, paprika, pomegranate and rutabaga,"

tyler is quiet for a moment, and josh is about to ask him if he's still there, before a wheeze cuts through his phone's speaker.

tyler is laughing at him.

how dare.

"excuse me--"

"y-you don't know what a rutabaga is? or pomegranate?" tyler interrupts between laughter.

josh whines, stomping his foot like a toddler and getting a strange look from a woman nearby, to which he just makes a face at her, furthermore proving he is a child.

"stop laughing!" josh pouts, pretending the woman isn't there.

tyler eventually complies, "okay, okay, just-- for rutabagas, look for a purple, dirty looking ball in the vegetable section, and pomegranates have their own little stand in the fruits area, near the checkout. paprika is a spice,"

josh nods, jotting down notes in his head, "okay, thanks,"

tyler hums, "oh, can you also get me a cake? like, a full, chocolate cake. i feel like cake,"

josh thinks for a moment, before smiling wide, "yes! i mean, yeah, of course,"

tyler makes a questioning sound on the other line, "uh, thanks. oh, wait," he frowns, "i don't think i gave you enough money for that,"

josh shakes his head, "s'fine, i'll pay,"

tyler pouts, "no, those cakes are pretty expens-"

"i'm paying, bye," josh stops him, hanging up and leaving no room to argue.

he rushes around the grocery store, desperately grabbing the leftover ingredients, glaring at paprika, raising his eyebrow at the pomegranate, gagging at the sight of the rutabaga and finally finding cantaloupe.

he directs his cart to the bakery in the back. he looks at the freshly baked cakes that are ready to be frosted with writing of his choice.

he politely asks for the one he wants, and gets his question written on the white frosted top in several colours.

he pays for all of tyler's groceries, adding some of his own money for the cake, and then heading back to his and tyler's apartment building.

✦

tyler greets josh at his door, helping the man carry in some grocery bags.

he eyes the white box carrying his cake, "thanks for doing this, and for paying for the cake. i appreciate it very much," he grins.

"it's no problem at all," josh grins and sets the box on the counter and starts putting things away.

they get everything set in no time, and tyler makes his way to the cake, "thank you. you wanna stay for a bit?"

josh jumps up, heading to the door, "i-i would love to but i'm pretty beat, i think i'm gonna go lay down,"

tyler frowns, "you sure? i can't eat this cake all by myself,"

josh grins, "i'm sure. but i'd love a piece of cake, you can just drop a slice off for me later,"

tyler nods, "okay, have a nice nap,"

josh nods, rushing out.

tyler raises a brow. odd.

he opens the box of cake and freezes.

the cake has a question written in chocolate, will you be my boyfriend? as well as a green yes and a red no underneath it.

he bites his lip and stares at the cake.

and stares.

and stares.

and stares.

he's screaming at himself, yes yes yes he wants to say but he needs to think about what comes with dating.

no, he will not overthink this.

yeah, he totally will.

✦

josh has been sitting on his couch in jitters for an hour and a half.

when a knock sounds at his door, he all but runs to it.

when he sees a plate on the floor, with a slice of cake reading the word yes on it, he almost shits himself.

✦

what do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

castrated.

✦