TBS AND ALL HIS CHARACTERS One-Shots

I wish I was her (Love Actually Sam) Pt.5

heres a part 5. cuz why not?

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YN's P.O.V.

"Eww! No! Get off of me! No!" I pushed the boy off of me and he slide off onto the right side of my bed. His face looked extremely hurt, but I couldn't care less. He hurt me. He did not deserve my love, my touch, my hugs, my kisses. No. None of it. I wasn't about to let his just waltz back into my life like nothing ever happened. Let him come and hug it all away. Neither of us deserved that.

"What?" he asked, truly confused as to why I wasn't just kissing and making up with him.

"Did I stutter?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Well," he pulled his legs up to they were crossed under him as he sat on my bed, and he began to play with his long, pale fingers. Wow, some things never change.

"Are you kidding? Do you think that I am going to just let you come in here and kiss all the boo-boos away? That all those things you have done are completely irrelevant now that you've touched me? That you are the exact same Sam I used to know? Dude, you are insane. No way. You've broke my heart. Multiple times. Over multiple occasions. Said harsh words, acted cold, lied. plenty of other things I'm not going to care to mention. I don't know you anymore, Sam. I don't know you/. I don't trust you. I don't love you. I don't want this. I loved you. When we were little, you were sting. Compassionate. Loving. You held me when I needed it, brought me up, made me strong. You loved on me when I needed you most. We laughed together. Cried together, Knew each other better than anyone else. I knew you. And I thought I still did. But no. Its confirmed. And quite frankly, has been for years. But after that little stunt you pulled with Joanna today, that wasn't cool, man. You broke my heart. Embarrassed me. Calling me a coward, really? After I tried to do something kind for you, bringing those milk free, yes, I remembered, just for you. Bringing those cookies, that terrified me. I was absolutely terrified. I didn't want to see how wonderful you turned out. How beautiful and strong this new man was. Should have been. I thought that maybe, after seeing this, I could better myself, try again. Work for you. But no, I was thoroughly disappointed. You're not strong. You are hurtful, rude. I cant believe that is what I saw today, Sam. I just cant believe it. I now seriously know I cant be with this guy. This knew, cold, jerk of a kid. And that hurts me. Really bad. because I want you. Well, let me rephrase, I want my old Sam. The one that I love. The one that is truly spiritually beautiful. Not the kid sitting om front of me here today. Look, I understand that plenty of my actions are not justified. That what I have done to you in the past, not okay. I should not have hurt someone that I loved so dearly like that. No way. I should have supported you and Joanna from the start. Because the reason I was so upset was because I wanted you for me. And then I go and push you, hut you? No. Not okay. And when my mum made me go over to your house, I should have apologized. made amends. But what you have done the past couple encounters I have had with you, they have really hurt me. I'm starting to think that all my actions were the right ones. I don't want to be friends with this Sam. I don't. Look, I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for hurting you. And me giving this entire speech, is seriously mean. I just need you to know my thought and feelings. that is fair to both of us. And I'm sorry I slapped you. Seriously sorry. That was awful. But what you have done, what I have done, not okay. I thought that this was what  I always wanted, I wanted you to come in here and hold me, kiss away everything that had been messed up. But now that I know what's changed, I don't. I cant have that anymore. I don't trust you. This Sam. I don't love you. I'm sorry. I know you don't love me. I don't know why you are here. I don't understand why you lied and said that I was the reason you're so bitchy. That was just plain offensive. This is your fault. Don't blame it on me. I cant believe you. Oh, and don't say Joanna isn't your girlfriend. I know you're lying. I don't like this. I really don't like this new Sam." I passionately said. My heart hurt. It was breaking. My hands were pale and shaking. Tears were running down my face. I was sure I looked as terrible, as broken, as I felt. I cant even remember how many times my voice broke. My lungs felt as if all the air in the room had been sucked away, leaving them as full of pain as my heart. My head hurt to think that now, I was truly saying goodbye to my Sam. The Sam I loved. The Sam I was, or thought I was, in love with. I was truly sorry to the fact that my boy was gone. I still wanted him. I wanted to believe I could get him back. That he was mine. That Joanna didn't matter. That nothing mattered more then we did. I had never been, to a lack of a better word, sad.