Moonlight | lrh

0.2

28 Days Clean.

As I finished dressing my bed, I folded up the box that once held my bed sheets and placed it in the bottom of my wardrobe. I had only one box left to empty, the one that contained all of my 'miscellaneous' items as my mother had labelled it.

Lifting the box onto my bed, I carefully opened the tape and smiled as I was greeted with everything that made home feel not so far away. I pulled out my iPod docking station and, using the adaptor I bought at the airport, plugged it into the wall.

I took my iPod from the pocket of my skinny jeans and removed the aux chord. I then plugged it into the dock and pressed shuffle, keeping the volume moderately low... Moderately.

Oh, well imagine as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor, and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words. "What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding" says a bridesmaid to the waiter. "And yes but what a shame, what a shame the poor grooms-bride is a-"

"Whore!" Beth exclaimed, running into my room with a pillow in her hand. Screaming out in shock, Beth laughed at me before she threw her pillow down onto the ground and ran towards me, grabbing my hands.

I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door, no? It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality." I chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of, closing the goddamn door, no? It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of..."

Beth and I sang at the top of our lungs, jumping up and down along with the beat of the music. By the end of the song, Beth and I were both laying on my bed on our backs, in a fit of laughter. My previously tied up hair was now barely held back from my face in a low hanging, messy pony tail. Beth's hair was too in a wreck.

"I love that song," Beth sighed out, a large grin on her face. Nodding beside her, a smile grew on my face.

"Panic! are amazing," I replied, listening as the next song began to play. The recognisable tune of A Love Like War by All Time Low began to play and I grinned to myself. "Do you like All Time Low?" I asked her, sitting up so my back was leaning against the wall. Beth nodded instantly and grinned, sitting up beside me and humming along to the song.

"They're amazing," she started. "I went to see them with my boyfriend one time when we were in London. We got to go backstage and they're just... Wow." She murmured, staring off at the opposite wall of my room and grinning to herself.

Smiling at her experience, I thought back to the time I saw All Time Low when they were in Dublin. They were absolutely phenomenal. The concert, even though it was the only one I had ever been to, was probably the best concert I would ever be to.

Except, of course, if I got the opportunity to go to one certain concert.

"What other bands do you like?" Beth asked me suddenly, turning and facing me. My thoughts instantly drifted to the playlists on my iPod and the board in my miscellaneous box.

"I like tonnes," I admitted. "I love All Time Low, Tonight Alive, We Are The In Crowd, Mayday Parade, 5 Seconds of Summer, Fall O-"

"You like 5SOS?" Beth butted in instantly, staring at me with slightly widened eyes. Nodding slowly, I looked at her strangely. She didn't seem too excited that I liked them, as if she could fangirl with me. Her expression was confusing, it was unreadable. Beth nodded back at me once before she cleared her throat.

"Who's your favourite?" She asked quietly. The atmosphere of the room had now changed to almost intimidating, I was almost worried to admit my favourite to Beth.

"Luke," I revealed quietly. "His voice just draws me," playing with the Claddagh ring on my right hand, I avoided revealing too much.

I had too many problems. Problems that I needed to keep to myself and not load the burden on someone else. They didn't deserve that.

Beth sighed out quietly, but I heard her. I don't think she meant for me to hear her because she turned to me with a smile on her face. Before I could say anything else, Beth rose from my bed and picked up her previously thrown pillow from the floor. Heading towards the door, Beth was just about to walk out before she stopped in her tracks and turned around to face me.

"If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I want you to know I'm here for you, Shanley." She said quietly, looking directly into my eyes. "We all go through hardship and I just wish someone was there for me before I found Mikey."

***

My mind raced with thoughts as I continued to decorate my room. Beth's comment from earlier scared me. The thought that someone thousands of miles from home may know about my past terrified me. I wanted to keep all of that behind me in Ireland.

I had turned down my music a long time ago. I continued to take things out of my last box and placed them on my bed. The other three girls continued to unpack too. I subconsciously found myself twisting my Claddagh ring around my finger. I instantly stopped in my tracks.

"Shanley!" Hazel exclaimed, running towards me and wrapping her arms around my body. Instantly, the putrid smell of alcohol wafted up through my nostrils. I grimaced at the scent.

"Haze? What's the matter?" I asked concerned. Hazel was drunk out of her mind, there was no doubt about it.

"You need to get me out of here, Lee! Please take me home!" She said into my chest, that's when I realised she was crying. My chest welled up at the thought of my best friend hurting so I did the only logical thing I could think of. I grabbed Hazel's hand and guided her out of the party, towards my car.

Hazel stumbled beside me as I led her down the grass of the random house we were at. Hazel and I were usual party goers. I have never seen her this drunk. I don't think I've ever been this drunk, and I'm a heavier drinker than she is.

Helping her into the passenger side of the car, I strapped her in before walking to the other side and undergoing the same process myself.

"Hazel, stop." I grumbled, pushing Hazel's hand from the wheel as she tried to steer me into the park that we just passed.

"For fuck sake, Lee!" Hazel shouted, pushing me back. My hand jerked and Hazel took this opportunity to push the wheel, guiding us directly into a passing car.

My name was the last thing she ever said. I got no goodbye, nor did I get any opportunity to say goodbye. Hazel died almost instantly on impact, the car had ploughed directly into the passenger side of the car and killed her.

I killed my best friend.

The Claddagh ring that I wear today was hers. She wore it the night of the accident. It was one of the few things salvaged from the wreck.

It was after Hazel's death I began to cut. I killed my best friend, I should suffer. Nobody knew of course. I had caused too many people pain, I didn't want to hurt anyone else - except myself. I deserved to hurt. I deserved every slit on my thigh, every scratch on my wrist and every burn on my fingers.

I deserved it all. Deserved. Past tense.