DOUBLE DEUCES (Part 4)

Finding My Wing's

There's a few thing's I've learned over the years and that is you can't please everyone so stop trying. Don't spend your valuable time and energy in trying to do so. Live your life as you see fit and to hell what other's think. Life's short spend it happy. And the last thing is love. If your lucky you'll get to fall in love. I'm not talking about normal love. I'm speaking of that type of love that makes your chest ache just thinking of them. A love so strong your hearts beat in sync with each other. You feel it in your veins, in everything you do. Once you lose this type of love you'll never find it again. It's irreplaceable.

Sure, you will love another but you'll never experience that form of love again and you'll never stop loving that person. London was and still is that love. Not a moment passes where I'm not thinking of him, wondering what he's doing, if he's okay. Does he miss me like I miss him? Does he still love me like I him?

I haven't spoke to him sense my late night visit. I look for excuses to call him but decide against it. I've tried to reason with him, change his mind but he's determined to do this. What more can I say. Yes, I still cry when I'm alone. All I want is my London. His scent, his smile, his love. Some would say I'm crazy for pining for him so, that I should say good riddance but it's those people that don't understand, those people that has never experienced this type of love before.

London was my husband, my man and as his wife I would have stood by him had he lost everything, had he asked me to live on the streets. I would have been there still calling him the king in our cardboard box.

To keep my mind occupied I busied myself in my work, helping Demarco, and Luca.

Luca has been amazing these past few weeks and is really a great man. He takes great care of me and is every bit the gentleman. However he's not my London, no one will be.

Right now I'm not sure what Luca and I' s relationship status is. He takes me out, we've shared kisses, he's friendly to Demarco considering their enemies and he tries very hard. Thankfully he hasn't attempted to push this relationship. I couldn't imagine sleeping with anyone besides my London. In all honesty I don't want to.

However thing's just took a serious turn. Luca had taken me out for a nice dinner. We was  chatting, laughing and having a good time. Then toward the end he asked a question. A question that could be a game changer. A question that could make or break our relationship. A question that would change everything.

"Laney, we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I've grown rather fond of you. Your beauty alone has captured me for year's but it's more than that. I understand that London never gave you credit for your smarts but I do. Your amazing. Everyday you give me something new to marvel. I sit back and watch this little lady command a mega million resort franchise while helping her son build a strong Empire. Yes, I know Demarco is the sole decision maker but you are the mastermind behind it all. I'm honored to even sit in your presence."

Smiling sweetly, I said. "Thank you but most time I don't even know what I'm doing. Your being too kind".

Luca clasped my hand over the table and drew lazy circles in the center of my palm. "No Laney. I'm serious. You are one hell of a lady and that's why I want you to join me on a trip. I have business to see to in Paris. As you know the annual meeting is being held there this year and I'd be honored to have you on my arm. Of course when business is over we can do whatever you like. It will be fun, not all work. There's no need to give me a answer now, just think on it. I leave in a week's time. Honestly I'll find it hard to go without you".

Taking a moment to digest this I thought of the pros and cons. If I attended this would be a huge step for Demarco. I could possibly make new alliances for him if I went. The annual yearly meeting consists of all the mafia s and crooked business men. They come together under one roof to settle any ongoing disputes, make new  deals and compromises. However there's a lot of con's for me as well. I'm sure I'll be sharing a room with Luca and he may try and make a move. I'm just not sure I'm ready to make that serious of a move yet. Then there's London, he hasn't attended these meetings in the last few year's so there's a chance he won't be there, but is it worth the risk.

For starters I'm doing my best to hide Demarco's new status and if he's there I can't make any deals, but I'm sure Luca would do them for me under his name. Then there's that... Luca. I don't want London to discover I'm seeing him. Obviously he doesn't care for me anymore but I'm not sure what his reaction would be at seeing me with his enemy.

Finally answering Luca I said. "That's a great offer and I'd love to go but I need to think this over".

Nodding his understanding he replied. "That's all I'm asking. I won't be upset either way. I'd only miss you".

Shortly after we left and Luca was a bit more persistent with his kiss tonight. His hands roamed more than usual and there was a fierceness behind his kiss. I knew he wouldn't wait much longer to bed me. These type of men never did. They saw what they wanted and went after it. True, he has been nothing but a gentleman but like he said that first night. A gentleman is only a wolf with patience and I wondered how much patience he had before the wolf emerged.

Bidding him goodnight I went to my apartment. Looking out my viewing window I could see London's building in the distance and wondered if he could be looking out his viewing window toward me. Reaching for my phone I knew what I had to do before I made my decision. I had to know that this was real, that he never wanted me back, that this was the end.

Standing by the window I placed my hand on the cool glass looking at his building as I awaited his answer.

"Yes". He answered somewhat annoyed.

Swallowing the lump in my throat over hearing his voice I said his name. "London".

"Laney?"

"I need to ask you something".

"Shoot". He said casually.

Working my nerve up and not wanting to sound pathetic I just came out with it. "Is this real London? Are you really going to go through with this divorce? Is this just some thing your doing to scare me, force me to submit, because if it is I give up. You win. I'll do it".

The silence was straining then he finally broke it. "This isn't a game babydoll. It's very real. I met with the lawyers today to sign the final paperwork".

"Why London? Why? What did I exactly do that was so horrible?"

"If this call is because you need closure or understanding then I'm sorry. I can't give that to you. You know who you chose, who you sided with".

"That's so wrong London and you know it."

"It's not up for discussion anymore. You made your decision and I made mine".

"Do you still love me London?"

"Babydoll". Was the only response I got then he changed up on me. "I've got to run now. There's a business dinner".

Nodding my head as if he could see me I mumbled. "Bye London". And hit end. End on it all.

Sliding down the glass window I fell into a sobbing heap. I knew the man I loved with every fiber of my being was gone. No more.

After my meltdown I calmed myself down enough to make another phone call.

"Hello".

"I'll go".