My Dominant My Everything(BDSM) Book 1 of 2 (EDITING)

Chapter 11

The feeling of someone holding you as you lose yourself in tears, reassuring you that it's ok to be weak without being looked down upon is amazing. As more and more thoughts flooded my mind the barrier that was created by my emotions was crumbling slowly. I never expected this to hurt so much, letting out the pain I've been holding in for so many years. The longer I cried the more tears fell from my eyes, so many horrible memories replayed in my head. Why does this hurt so much, I thought this would be easier but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The harder I cried, the tighter he pulled me into his arms and held me to his chest. I wanted to push him away and hide in the darkness but I wasn't strong enough to do it, not in the state I was in. I knew my weak arms and legs wouldn't move me far, so instead I accepted it and continued to let out all my frustration through my tears. Suddenly I felt like my heart had dropped to my stomach.

"What's wrong Nova?" Quintin's strong voice made me want to look up at him, but I couldn't. The thought of him looking me in the eyes as I cry made me feel even worse. The only thing he would do it pity me, that's what everyone does when they see me like this. "Nova please tell me what's wrong.. did someone hurt you while you were out there? Tell me something...please." the fear and pain in his voice made my heart hurt. Why does he care so much about me? I've barely known him for a year, and he's treating me like we've been friends for years, like a actual connection was built between us.

"W-why do you s-sound so hurt Quintin? N-nothing happened when I was outside. I'm just currently going through something that I've been holding in for a very long time. Don't worry about me too much, I'm used to dealing with my problems on my own, and having you holding me just..." Suddenly I burst out into tears, gosh why am I so weak? Can't even go a few seconds without crying again. The urge to vent to him is bugging me but, I don't feel like he'll understand or look at me in the same way, and still, I cannot trust him. Anyone could be working with Kyle, maybe he's just getting close to me so he can send the information back to him... I'm so unsure of everything. These few months have been great but, I just can't.

"Please don't hold back from me, I'll do anything for you. Nova I care for you deeply. If you haven't noticed that already I'm telling you know. Me and Sayy lives have been better since you came around, she's been so much happier here and comes out her room more. I-I haven't felt this way about any women I've ever met. Your special to me. Just let me in and I'll promise to never hurt you."

His words left me speechless, could I really trust a man after I've been through so much pain? I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen if I let him in, but taking the risk now after getting this close to him might actually be worth it. He seems like a good man who has an amazing heart and doesn't give me the vibe that he's any different than who he has shown me. "Are you sure you want to waste your time on me? Everyone who had basically abandoned me, besides Kelsi. I don't want you to waste your time with damaged goods..."

"Whatever you think I won't accept about you, your wrong. Within this short amount of time I have found everything about you interesting and breathtaking. Your one of the few women to actually keep me interested. Your energy and vibe is simply amazing and you don't throw yourself on me like other women have. The way you carry yourself, dress, even your laugh and smile is... Different. I'm drawn to you for whatever reason it is and the fact that even Sayyora likes you is a miracle. She hates any women who would try to get close to me and glare death into their soul but, with you its a whole different story. She likes you more than she likes her own mother and father. Nova, I care about you so much. I-I just don't know how to show it, dammit you make me so damn nervous with just a look. I am want you in my life. I want you to be my girlfriend."

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't expecting for him to let all this out. Not right now, maybe not ever. But it's the fact that he knows me as Nova Faye, and not Olivia Taylor is a problem I can't address right now. I want to trust him, I honestly do but... I'm still unsure. What's even more shocking is that he wants me to to be his girlfriend. I don't know what to do at this point. My mind is racing and this is a lot to take in right now. I don't think I've ever had a real boyfriend before. Anyone I 'dated' before used me, while I was too naive to realize it until I was basically being made fun of, or a nickname was given to me.

But this isn't college and I'm a new person now. My past isn't a reflection of me anymore, I now have a name for myself and no longer feel like darkness is looming over me. I think I have the courage to start making life changing decisions for myself. Taking a calming breath, then looking him in the eyes with courage I made my decision. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend Quintin." My face felt hot as I blushed deeply. His eyes were lit up in happiness as my answer processed in his head.

His smile showed me he was genuinely happy with my decision. It seemed to be contagious as I mirrored the same look, my blush lightened as I forced myself to stop smiling before my cheeks hurt. I no longer felt the need to cry, it's like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. For once in a very long time, I knew what it felt like to be genuinely happy, and it was all because of the man who held me in his arms.

After my little melt down I decided to take a shower and clean myself up, it also gave me time to clear my mind. "I made the right decision. I won't regret this. I have to do this for me or I'll never let go of the past, growth is the most important thing and right now this is a major step forward. Just relax Olivia and go with the flow." Letting out a deep breath, my mind started to calm down as the water flowed down my body. Maybe this was the right step towards me becoming independent and to move on from everything Kyle did to me these years, plus the horrible 'childhood' I had.

After a few more minutes of absentmindedly thinking, finally I got out and wrapped a towel around my body and hair. For a few minutes I looked into the fogged up mirror and gave myself yet another pep talk. "Please, don't let this destroy me." I plead to whoever was listening in this vast world. Someone needs to hear me for once, things can't continue to get worse for me and for the first time in ever... I have hope in this situation to become something positive.

After finally making my way back to my room I seen Quintin pacing in the dining room, his face was full of worry and obvious anxiety. This is exactly what I wanted to prevent. I wanted to go to him right then and there but my attire wasn't necessarily appropriate, quickly I put on a pair of jogging pants and a button up shirt then went to check up on him. I feel extremely guilty for even putting him in this position.

"You should go to bed. You look extremely stressed and tired." Seriously, his eyes were a bit low as if he'd been fighting sleep for hours. "Just go to bed, it's nothing else to stress over." Hesitantly I placed my hand on his arm which caused him to look at me. His eyes was full with a pool of emotions, he looked so confused, I just wanted to comfort him. To calm his busy mind so sleep can take over.

"Please Quintin, just go to bed. I'm sure you have to work tomorrow, get some rest." Slowly I lead him to his room making sure he fell asleep before returning back to the guest room. Feeling a bit tense, I sprayed some lavender around the room before cracking the window. As anticipated, the scent relaxed me so much that I fell asleep. Today might have been one of the happiest days of my life.