new roommate-phan texting au DISCONTINUED

88

dans pov

there's a bittersweet moment after james pretends to almost push me down the stairs, adrenaline rushing through my head making me scream. embarrassment and fear flows through my my body in the form of goosebumps as i move away from the stairs and watch him laugh at me.

i look into his eyes when he stops, almost wishing to burn the ugly sweetness that still exists in them. i can feel the pain he's caused me all come back throughout my body, and suddenly i regret ever coming with him to do what he wanted to do.

i can't bear the selfish way he grabs onto my hands, pushing my back against the cold concrete wall. all the fear that once held me is replaced with him, his warm breath on my face is almost comforting and suddenly i don't know what's happening to me anymore. his cold hands have gripped my forearms and it's all too familiar, i can practically feel the ghosts of the bruises that he once put there. my breathing shallows, my body relishing in the comfort he's giving me after all the years.

sloppy kisses are being placed across my jaw and i want to push it away but the back of my mind is screaming to let him, give it another try. i let it go, feel the sweet prickles he's sending throughout my neck to continue, my closed eyelids whispering at me to stop it.

i continue to stand there, completely lifeless until i feel a hand on my thigh and my eyes shoot open, the voice in my head getting the best of me and i push him away, the guilt in my stomach pooling and flowing until it reaches my eyes in the form of tears.

suddenly i'm crying, my body aching and eyes burning, feeling james place his hands on my waist and pull my body against his. all i can feel is a mixture of hurt and comfort, so i let him, gripping his shirt and squeezing my eyes shut tightly, imagining its phil who is holding me.

it's only five minutes later when my hurting turns into hatred, and then i'm pushing james, yelling incomprehensible words and swinging my hands towards his chest angrily. he backs away, but grabs my hands quickly and pulls them down, placing them on his own waist softly.

"shh, dan,"

i feel all my guards fall once again, and now i'm back to falling into him, leaning my head on his shoulder and sighing deeply, my hands still holding his waist. so many emotions are running around my mind that i can't help but just let everything be. i have no energy to do anything, even when i feel james back away a bit, grabbing my face in his hands and making me look at him.

i stare into his eyes, his thumbs wiping my face in an all too familiar way. i let my eyes fall closed, breathing out softly.

"dan," his voice is so quiet i almost can't hear it, and i only hum, my eyes still closed and he sighs, letting go of my face and grabbing my hands lightly in his. "open your eyes please,"

i open them as he says, seeing the way he's smiling at me softly, so softly it takes everything in my body not to smile back.

suddenly he looks at my lips, leaning towards me and i feel my body freeze, watching as he closes his eyes and then pushes his lips against mine. it's anything but soft, only filled with anger and longing, as if we're searching for something already too lost to find and yet i can't help but to slowly start to kiss him back, my hands wrapping up around his neck. i feel him push me back against the wall, my breath hitching in my throat.

any type of rational thinking completely disappeared into the kiss. i felt so nasty, but some type of soft wave was coursing through me at the same time. it's like the ending of a book, where you can feel so happy and yet so terrible at the same time. i realized i wanted this book to find its finish, i needed to close it, to rip out all the pages with anything sweeter than a slap. i couldn't let myself fall for something so fake.

i heard footsteps and then the smallest gasp to the left of me and i open my eyes slightly, seeing the last person i wanted to see. james opens his eyes too and i can feel them on me until he turns and looks over as well.

my stomach is dropping and my eyes start to pool with tears when i realize what i've just done, but only one word can leave my mouth,

"phil,"

whoops
also i'm doing some chapters in characters pov so that you know their thoughts better

another also!!!  frick u dan