Dear Evan Hansen Evan x Connor one shots

I wanna die

A.N
Haha totally didn't forget I owned this for a while....
I'm sorry!!!
"Are you sure you fine alone, while me and Zoe are at the ball?" Evan was concerned for his friend. For some reason Connor depression had grown recently. "I'm FIne Evan, besides Zoe will kill me for keeping her boyfriend here to babysit me instead of going to prom with her," Connor said letting out a small laugh. It hurt Connor seeing the love of his life take his little sister prom, no it hurt Connor to see the love of his life date his little sister, but they were happy. Connor didn't want to stand in the way of that. Evan gave a concerned look. "Go have fun i have your number if i need it, besides if i really need someone here i have jared, no one would take him to prom," Connor said hoping they would hurry up and leave so he could put down this happy front. "Are you sure?" Evan asked. "Evan, come on, I want to go," Zoe wined. Evan looked at connor seeing if it was really ok. Connor nodded and the couple ran off. Connor watched them go before closing the door. Connor slid his back against the door crying. He wished Evan was taking him to prom. He wish Evan was dating him. He wishe Evan loved him.

Connor sat there crying for a while before finally deciding to get up and do something. He went to his room and found a movie before running downstairs to grab some comforting food. He was so very tempted to smoke weed or to cut but, he remembered how happy Evans face had been when he told him he was a week clean. He would try, for Evan. The boy he loved but would never love him back because he loved his sister. But did he really deserve Evans love anyway. He had fucked up so many time in their friend ship. Getting high and hurting Evan physically and emotionally, cutting himself, skipping school, a terrible son, had starved himself, a mess, a terrible brother, a terrible person, the list went on. And Zoe, she was perfect, straight A student, talented with instruments and singing, she was well kept, their parent praised and adored her, she could do no wrong. She deserved, she would be the one who could help his anxiety, to make him laugh and smile every day, to make him happy. Some thing Connor could never be, an emotion connor could never make anyone feel. Connor looked at his draws. Every thing he needed to kill himself was right there. He called it his suicide draw. It had pills, rope, a gun, a knife, razor blade a list of the places high enough to jump so that when he hi the ground, there would be no chance of survival. Connor bit his lip. No one would care of he was gone, in fact everything would be better, his parents wouldn't have to worry about his doing stupid things, his sister wouldn't have a horrible big brother, Evan wouldn't get upset over him anymore, jared would have to deal with being around him, and he wouldn't have to suffer. Connor opened the draw, looking at each of the options.

Evan and Zoe were enjoying prom when Evan got a text. Then another. And another. Evan worried for Connor moved off the dance floor with Zoe following.
Bath Bomb: I just got some concerning texts from Connor
Bath Bomb: He was asking stuff like if I thought anyone would miss him if he was gone and what would be the easiest way to die
Bath Bomb: I didn't think he was serious and i went through a lot of different ways you could kill your self and told him i wouldn't you're a dick head
Bath Bomb: But he stopped responding a while ago
Bath Bomb: so now i'm at his house and he isn't answering the door
Evan and Zoe give each other a concerned look. "Tell him there should be a spare key inside the hole in the tree and we're on our way," Zoe said as they headed to the car.

"Open the door Connor!" Jared said. Jared had been banging on the door for a couple of minutes now, but Connor still wouldn't open it. "NO! not till these pills take affected!" Connor said as he laid there. Evan and Zoe rushed up the stairs. "Is he ok!" Evan asked. "WHat happened!" Evan was afraid he might lose his best friend. "No he slowed a bottle of pills and wont open the door, plus if i call the cops or an ambulance he said he has a gun in there and will shoot anyone who comes in," Jared paused. "And me as well," Jared said. "And i'm not bluffing!" Connor yelled. "Connor please open the door let us help you," Evans voice was filled with desperation and worry. "No, go back to prom with Zoe!!!" Connor wasn't going to open up that door, he didn't want to see the disappointment on Evan's face. "Why?" Jared asked. Everyone was a little shock by this no had really asked why and when they did Connor never answered. "If you're going to die anyway at least tell us why," Jared had wanted to know for a while now, he had always been curious. "Jared there is no one reason for the depression there's many reasons you can get it, you can't expect him to just be able to narrow it-" "The person I love is dating someone else," Connor cut Evan off, it wasn't the only reason, it wasn't even the one that started his depression, but it was a big. "You love someone, why didn't you tell me?" Evan asked. Connor stayed silent for a bit but hey he's dying so this may be his last chance to say it. "Because I loved you, you idiot," the house fell silent. "I'm the reason you did this?" Evan finally said. "No no no no, you aren't there are so many reasons I've done this," Connor panicked. "But I'm the main one," tears began to roll down his face, he couldn't bare being the reason his best friend died. "No Evan you're not, I swear," Connor Said, but his stomach began to hurt as the pills began to do their work. A groan of pain came from the bathroom. Evan shot back to getting him out, "Connor please open the door!" The brokenness of Evan voice hurt Connor. 'I'm such a monster, he's hurting because of me and i just sit here' Connor mind plagued with similar thoughts. He couldn't take Evans distressed pleds. Connor swung open the door comforting the small with his embrace. "Connor," Evan cried into his shoulder. "It's ok i'm out," he said as Jared called an ambulance. "Never do that again," Evan cried.