Dear Evan Hansen Evan x Connor one shots

Death is bitter sweet, but mostly bitter

I walk around school with a constant feeling of loneliness, like if I were to disappear no one would care. I don't kill myself because I would like to think someone would be sad when I die and it would at least kind of effect them. But at the end of the day if I disappeared no one would notice. So I did.

I got to school and looked for him, this cute shy guy I have a crush on, Evan, he has the most adorable stutter. But I couldn't see him.

So I went to my first period class, english, and waited. He didn't show. Maybe he was sick. So continued on with my day.

He wasn't there the next day.

Or the one after that.

He wasn't there the whole week.

He wasn't there Monday. But self help posters were, some said "you're never alone", others said "suicide is not an option".

The school had finally informed us of Evan Hansen's death, a week after it happened. Evan hadn't been sick, I felt like I was about to be.

I never talked to him as much as I should have, maybe if I did I wouldn't be sitting here almost ready to bawl my eyes out. But I didn't. It stung, the feeling of I could have done something, but didn't.

After that assembly I really saw sick, I cried until my tear ducts were dry.

I wish I had known, why didn't I try.

Connor went to visit Evans mum. She said her name was Heidi, she said she had no idea that Evan was going to do what he did. Evan had overdosed on medication made for his anxiety went to sleep and never woke up.

Heidi talked to Connor about Evan and when he was alive. She grabbed out a photo album and showed him pictures.

Heidi was a sad sight at the moment. You could see marks from all the cry and back bags under her eyes. The poor lady just lost her only child.

Connor went home, then straight to bed he. He laid there lifeless for a bit and slowly drifted to sleep.

He stood their in an orchid Evan by his side walked around a talked, and then Connor asked him, "why did you kill yourself." Evan went ghost like but looked normal, he spoke, "because I couldn't cope with the constant feeling of loneliness." Then he disappeared.

Connor woke up crying. "I miss you."