Dear Evan Hansen Evan x Connor one shots

Fuck

A.N
Stop voting for my fan fictions o don't deserve it T^T
How do you carry on when it feels like the world hates. When the people you care about most would rather want someone else by their side when you wish it was you. When the person you love not only isn't interested in you but the better version of you, you're little sister. But who doesn't love her more, my parents do, my teachers do and constantly they all remind me, "Why can't you be more like your sister," they would all say disappointed looks on their faces.

The harsh Winter winds blow against Connors tear stained face. He sat alone on a bit of roof you could only get to from his bedroom window.

Who could blame them I'm useless, I'm unworthy of all of this, I'm just constantly throwing away my life with drugs and alcohol, none of them would miss me.

Connor took a swig of a bottle of alcohol he had stolen from his parents liquor cabinet, the last bits slipping down his throat leaving a bitter taste. They undoubtedly would know he stole it.

Why am i so useless, why am I like this why do i always make things worse, Why am I so toxic, why did a yell at him.

Connor felt his pocket vibrate for the 15th time in an hour. He ignored it again.

Why did I reacted so badly, why did i make him cry.

There was a banging at his bedroom door, his father had noticed the now empty bottle was missing. But he didn't care, nothing seemed to matter.

He picked himself up, went into his room, and opened a draw. In that draw was syringe. When Connor had got it he asked the dealer for something that he could end it all with, they tried to talk him out of taking it but still gave it him. Connor had no idea what it was but he didn't care. He pulled out the syringe and stabbed it in to his arm.

Connor hadn't answered a single message. Evan knew how unstable he was, he should have gone after him straight away going now would be to late. He knocked on the door.

Zoey opens the Door, "oh hi Evan how can I help you?" "Is Connor home?" Evan went straight to the point. "Yeah he's in his room being an asshole," she said annoyed. Evan thanked her and rushed up stairs

He knocked on the door, "Connor?"

"Fuck," Evan has actually come after him, but it was too late Connor had taken the drug, and it would slowly kill him, but he had to fake it, for Evan. He opened the door, "hey." Evan look relieved to see him and hugged him "I was so scared you did something stupid." Connor felt guilty he had done something stupid, but he wasn't going to tell Evan that. "Of course not, when did I grow the balls to do that?" He sarcastically asked. Evan continues to hug him then let's go 'why'd you let go'. "Sorry that's probably awkward I mean cause I said I like your sister and stuff," as Evan rambled Connor heart sank, but he had to do it he wouldn't be around much longer anyway. He brought his face to Evans and kissed him.

Evan was shocked, Connor just kissed him and he wanted it, he kissed him back moving his arms around his neck.

'Fuck he kissed back, and I'm still dying,' Connor didn't know what to do he was going to die and he was kissing the guy he loved who was kissing back and didn't know he was going to die.

They pulled apart for air. Evan had nothing but love in his eyes and Connor could stare at that for the rest of his life, he just might at this point. "I gave myself a deadly drug that I have no idea what it actually was, and now I'm going to die," why the fuck did he say that, he just couldn't keep it in.

Evans eyes widened in horror, "Connor!" Evan grabbed his hand and rushed him to hospital.

Evan stayed by Connors side every second he could that day, and Connor loved that, Connor loved Evan so much. When the doctor confirmed he would be ok, Evan looked ecstatic.