Curious

The Lessons Pt.2; Seokjin

    I pretend to be asleep as Namjoon comes back and heads straight for the shower. Does that mean he had sex? I don't like it even though I have no right to be upset. I gave him permission. It's my fault. At least I know he uses protection. He's a professional, after all. Sex is nothing to him.
     The thought doesn't set well with me for some reason. Sex meaning nothing and yet...I'm paying him for that very thing. Meaningless sex. Just getting it over with. This really isn't me but desperation has changed my perspective.
I'm so lost in my thought that I don't hear Namjoon come back into the room so when he speaks I jump in surprise and embarrassment. He's in nothing but a towel and I can't stop from looking at his gorgeous body.
"Are you alright?" He asks, concerned.
I nod a little too fast. "Uh, Yeah, I'm fine." I fidget nervously with my blanket.
He studies me for a long minute making me uncomfortable so I look away. "What?" I mumble out.
He stops and gathers his clothes. "You seem upset? Do you regret letting me attend to another client? I won't do it again." He smiles politely but it doesn't make me feel better. I feel stupid.
"N-no. It's fine, really." I shrug it off. God, grow up, Jin! Let the man do his job.
     He finally looks away from me. "Ok then. Do you still want me to sleep with you?"
    I nod and scoot over making room for him. "Yeah."
     He pulls on a pair of black sweatpants and that's it before climbing into bed beside me. I try not to feel self conscious beside him or weird about the whole thing. This is what I wanted.
     "Are you nervous? Do you want to try more?" His voice is calm and oddly soothing in the dark.
     I flush but thankfully he can't see it. "Um...I d-don't know." I admit. I really don't know what I'm doing...but he does.
     I feel movement in the bed before his hand rests on my thigh. I stiffen-I can't help it-as he leans forward and kisses my cheek. It's sweet and strangely makes me loosen up a little. Just a stupid peck on the cheek and it makes it ok? God, what's wrong with me?
"Relax...we aren't doing anything you don't want. Just...breathe..." he murmurs as his lips trail soft pecks over my cheek to my lips. My tongue snakes out to wet my bottom lip but gets his as well.
He takes that opportunity to slip his tongue back inside my mouth. My hands go to his shoulders as he presses me back against the pillows, his body expertly slipping on top and between my own. I'm very aware of the fact I'm only wearing a loose white t shirt and a pair of shorts.
    "Can I touch you?" His voice is soft in the dark.
    I clear my throat. "Y-Yeah."
    His fingers work under my shirt and up my chest to find my nipples. My entire body jerks from the sensation and I gasp, an erection working up between my legs and I know he can feel it.
    He leans back suddenly and tugs my shirt up my chest to under my chin before pressing his lips down over either pink nubs. His tongue licking around them making me moan and shift my hips wantonly.
"So pretty. You are so pretty, Kim Seokjin." He murmurs and I blush, my fingers tangling in his hair as he works my chest.
Eventually his hands leave my chest to move back down to my shorts and while I think he's only going to touch me a little over my erection, I'm shocked, however, when he lifts up and tugs them down my legs leaving me naked except for my bunched up shirt.
      "Gahh!" I gasp from the surprise.
     His lips suck on my nipples one last time before moving up to suckle on my neck while he drives me insane by rubbing my leaking tip. I feel unbelievably needy as he continues to touch me so perfectly. Knowing exactly what to do to make me crave more.
    "N-Namjoon!" I choke out as his finger slip between my cheeks to rub teasingly against my hole. I clench subconsciously and he chuckles against my skin. This is too fast...isn't it? Is this too fast?
     I can't decide as as he works his black magic on me with his lips and hands. I don't know whether to give in and let him work or ask him to stop.
     He leans up to look down into my eyes, his fingers still rubbing between my cheeks, my legs parted widely on either side of him.
     "Are you ok with this? Do you want me to continue?" He's completely calm and relaxed over me. It's almost disconcerting considering how he's making me feel. Like the act of arousing me to point of insanity is nothing to him.
     I guess it's not but the thought doesn't set well with me. It's embarrassing being in this position to someone who doesn't even care. It doesn't faze him, excite him at all. His eyes are focused on me, completely clear as he touches me in my most intimate part.
I know I'm overthinking this but I can't help it. I'm way more than nervous and the thought I do nothing for my partner-paid or not-really bothers me. Like I'm not good enough to turn him on. Maybe I can't really turn anyone on. Maybe that's my fear, my hang up for being an adult virgin?
"Jin, stop overthinking this." He sighs an presses his body completely down on mine, kissing my lips again and again. "You are beautiful and confident. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, alright? Keep these in mind because they are completely true." He mutters against my lips.
I nod, not really believing but wanting to please him. "O-ok."
He smiles above me. "Now. Let's begin our lessons, shall we?" There's a glint in his eye that I don't know how to take. But I nod nonetheless.
"Lesson one..." he begins as he spreads my legs far apart.
I blush and panic a little. Oh god, can I really do this?! Looking at his wickedly amused expression now...I don't know if I can.