Messy- Fifth Harmony

51

I'm slightly hesitant not to put a trigger warning here, so here it is just in case. It's just a conversation, but I know sometimes the tiniest stuff can get to me.

Sunday

Narrator's POV

Lauren is the first to wake up. She tiredly stretches her muscles that have been motionless for hours on end. The movement causes the girl next to her to wake up as well. The two fell asleep back-to-back and on opposite sides of the bed, yet they managed to get closer to each other in their slumber as they always do, with somebody's front cuddled up to the other's back. Lauren nudges herself backwards slightly, making her back now completely flushed to her girlfriend's front and embraces the warmth. 

"Good morning, love. How are you doing?" Lauren instinctively moves her hand to her head and winces slightly. "Head hurts a little. Sorry I went a little overboard last night with the girls." Camila shakes her head slightly. "Don't be, I figured you were blowing off some steam or something. Do you want to talk about anything that's been bothering you lately?" 

God, how did Lauren get so lucky to have such a beautiful and caring girlfriend. "Umm, yeah. Okay." She hesitantly responds. "You don't have to, it's just better to get some stuff out there sometimes instead of bottling it up." Lauren sighs, knowing that her girlfriend is right. "I'll go brush my teeth and then we can talk." 

She brushes her teeth and starts the coffee maker while Camila takes care of her dental hygiene as well. She came back into her room to find out that Camila was already done and checking her phone while sitting on the bed. Upon seeing the older latina in the doorframe, she shuts off her phone and holds out her arms. Lauren practically crawls into them and gets into one of her favorite and most comfortable positions with her head on the smaller girl's chest, and starts playing with the other girl's fingers. 

"So."

"So."

"Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Bits and pieces, you're going to have to be more specific."

"Lauren."

"Camila."

"Did you mean to drink that much last night?"

"No." 

"It's okay, it happens sometimes, but you were acting weird. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

"I love you Camz." Lauren's eyes start to swell up with tears, which worries her girlfriend even more.

"I love you too, but please tell me what's wrong, baby."

"I'm scared." She drops the hand she's been fidgeting with and buries her face into her girlfriend.

"Of what?"

"Him. You. Us." Camila's heart drops in an instant as her grasp around her girlfriend tightens.

"I'm sorry baby, I thought it was getting better? I thought the nightmares stopped. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It did get better, I was getting happy again. You made me happy again, but the police called the other day. He's being released on parole on Tuesday." 

"You got the restraining order, right?"

"Yes, but it's just- I thought I was happy with him. We were so good and then we broke up and became an on-again, off-again thing. He slowly broke down my walls and eventually broke me. I wanted to be loved and he made me feel like that, but then he started..." Her sentence faltered and left the words out before continuing. "I told myself he loved me, that whatever that was, was indeed love. I knew it wasn't, but it was how I dealt with it."

Camila kept her hands running through the tresses of dark brown hair as she listened. 

"But when I fell for you, everything felt different. I now know how it really feels to be loved because you make sure you show me every day. But the nightmares came back the night I got the call. I kept comparing you and him in my head, your actions and words, until I couldn't focus anymore. I know you would never do anything like that, my head just keeps fucking everything up. Why did he have the power to break me? To ruin my life and now he's going to be walking the streets again."

"Everything you're feeling right now is perfectly reasonable. I hate that you went through that and are still struggling, especially that I can't do anything about it to help you. I am here any time you need to talk, please never think that I'll judge you or think of you differently because nothing will change how much I love you. Please tell me if you're struggling or uncomfortable, if I'm doing something that brings up bad memories. Don't think that I want anything from you except your happiness."

The girls continue to lay in silence for a few moments. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? There's no reason to be."

"I threw myself on you last night to prove to myself that you loved me and to feel what real love would be like."

"Are you upset that I stopped it? I figured we needed to talk it out beforehand and no alcohol involved to distort our perceptions."

"I'm not upset at all. Would you be upset if I said I don't think I'm ready to go that far yet?"

"Nope, I knew what I was getting into when we started dating. I love you for who you are and I'd wait for you forever, even if that never time came because we don't need that for a relationship. We will continue to move as fast or slow as you feel comfortable and if we cross a boundary that makes you uneasy, we take a step back."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, my green-eyed goddess."