Lost

Chapter 39

It has been like two and a half week now that I got into this damn hospital. Most times it has been nothing but annoying and I had to lie a lot about where I have been the whole time. I told Joss I am ok, I told my brothers I was ok, everybody was thinking I had been ok, at least if they believed my lies that is. I am still wondering how my brothers believed in me because they never did. They never came here to look after me though. So I am glad. To explain what happened would have been difficult and would only lead into even more stupid, unforgettable things I really do not need to experience. I guess it was enough that I got into hospital, there is just nothing more I need, no more things I want to hide, no more things I want to lie about. I am still working against Connor and Joss who really want to tell the police about what Harry did. I had to lie to the doc so that he won’t say a thing. But what should I do about Connor and Joanna?

Never mind, today is the day I finally can leave the hospital, which is exactly what I did a few minutes ago. Now I am walking down the streets, alone by the way, so that I can finally get back home. Or at least to the place where I sleep, because lately it feels to me like I do not have a home anymore. I feel like I exist as a punching bag for Harry Styles but nothing more. I do not live, I am just a figure in his chest game. And he can do to me whatever he wants to because I am way too shy to do something against him. Actually I would rather let him hurt me until I bleed than trying to fight him. It will cause nothing good either way, so why not getting less pain instead of making him angry and get even more of that special pain?

Apart from that he also uses me for when he wants to kiss and stuff. I bet there will be abusing soon enough,. And what will I be doing? Let him do it? Let him abuse me? Let him get through with it? I know I can now say I won’t, but in the end I already let him get me into hospital without any punishment, why should I then stand up against him for myself and make him leave me alone in that case? I know I won’t, I will just take the embarrassment and say nothing.

I am so pitiful, I disgust myself.

I jump in pure shock when someone next to me pushed the horn.

I turn my head to see who it is and look into Harry’s eyes. I know these eyes by now. How should I not? This green is my death, those eyes my punishment, his features my worst nightmares and this evil smile on his lips will soon enough destroy me.

I stop walking and look at him while he stops his car. The people in the cars behind him also push their horns but Harry just shows them the special finger and screams something about that he will gladly take their tires if they do not be patient and shut up.

I feel the fear inside me burn, it runs through my veins and sets my heart on fire. My legs would tremble if I could not stop them and I take a deep breath to calm down. It does not work.

“Get into the damn car” Harry says and I just frown.

“Why?” I ask him, which is actually an action everybody would do.

He looks into my eyes. “Do it. Now.”

I do not even care what I do now, I just run and get into his car, close the door behind me and strap on. He starts driving the second I take my hands back into my lap to my back.

“You came here to get me, or what?” I ask him. I do not think he did because after all he is still harry, isn’t he? So why should he do something like that?

“It’s bad luck” he says and shrugs his shoulders “I was just driving down the street, nothing more.”

Sure, like I already said. “Hmm.”

He clears his throat and runs his hand through his messy hair. “So, you think about telling the police?”

I should have known he would ask me that question. What should I say?

“Actually I didn’t.”

“You better not lie to me” he growls and I shake my head no.

“I don’t.” I would never do that. That would be stupid. “But I know I should.”

Harry drives down the street and stops at a traffic light. “You know.. I thought about things. You should, yes. Really, you should tell the police, but you know as well as I do that this won’t get any better if you do. It will be the other way around.”

Exactly what I think.

“I have another idea instead.” He says and looks at me.

“Which is?” I ask and beg god to let Harry not threaten me.

He smiles and I look at his necklace. I know this necklace and I know it causes me trouble. “You don’t tell the fucking police, because I really don’t need them to be at Hazard. For that you won’t get into more trouble with me, I’ll make it up to you what I did and you can come and go into my house whenever you want to. I won’t cause you more trouble, that is what I mean.”

I can not believe those words really leave his mouth.

“I can’t go any further, Angel. I try not to threaten you here and I won’t give you anything but your freedom. So take it or make me do things to you, you and I both will regret.”

I do not want anything but that he leaves me alone or at least is nice somehow. I would never ask him for anything else. This is what I want.

“Then take me home and I will leave it as long as you leave me being” I finally say.

Harry starts driving again and nods. “That’s it then.”

“And what about you being my lector?” I question and Harry shrugs his shoulders.

“I will take care of your books and I will gladly just do my job, doesn’t matter who the writer of that book is. I said I will leave you, that actually includes our jobs.”

It won’t get any better, I know it.

“Fine. I can deal with that” I say and sigh in relieve “thank you.”

“Yeah, don’t waste your breath. I just give you back what you should have had from the beginning on, so nothing to thank me for. Just leave it.” Those words are harsh, typically Harry, but I do not care. He just promised to leave me.

I say nothing after that and neither does he so that Harry ignores a few traffic lights in silence. I do not dare say anything against his way to drive because that only will make my day worse again. How it is now is how I want it to be.

When we finally reach the house, Harry stops the car and looks at me. “So, here we are.”

I nod and open the door. “Thank you. For taking me home I mean. And for leaving me in the future, though you don’t mind I am glad.”

I should not say thank you, I know that, but I am just way too friendly to not do it. This is like he gave me thousands of presents at once.

Harry just shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever. Get out of my damn car now.”

I do as I am told and take my stuff before I get out of his black car, close the door and then walk to the door. I will not turn back to look at him. Not only at once. I do not have to face him and I won’t. I can leave that Harry stuff behind me and move on with really living in London. That is it for me now, he is so from yesterday.

When I reach the door, I hear him starting the car again and stupid as I am, I do turn around., I know I shouldn’t have, I know I should have kept looking at the door, waiting for Joanna to open the door. But the fool I am I do turn around, maybe to watch him leave.

And then I see something which I can only react to with a frown.

Harry is staring at me, worry in his serious yet beautiful lineaments.

(( I know it took me a while to update and I am sorry for that. I had a lot to do and couldn't make time for writing the next chapter. But now I finally did it. :D -S. Xx ))