Lost

Chapter 53

I sit on a chair, my elbow on the table. It has been quiet exhausting and I am totally worn out by now. My feet hurt after hours and hours of walking in those heels. My cheeks probably are in a light red because it is really hot in here. They opened the window a few minutes ago so it should cool down a bit in a little while. No wonder it got so warm with all those people in here. I guess half of them are already as tired as I am myself or a bit drunk, since here are a whole lot of different alcoholic drinks. What would that be for a party if not?

My eyes search the crowd when a lot of people start dancing. Outside it already is dark, the sun nowhere to be seen anymore. A few lights in the ceiling shine down on the dancing people’s heads. The songs started to become slower two songs ago and now the couples are hugging each other, dancing in each other’s warm embrace. Deep inside me explodes a deep need, a longing for doing the same. Louis and Eleanor stayed here with me so that they are now dancing over there as well. Louis hands a gently settled on El’s hips, her arms around his neck, one hand buried in Lou’s hair. The way he looks at her shows me one thing exactly and as pure as it possibly can be: love. And so does she look at him. With an entire heart only built for him and him alone.

“I see, you wanna dance, too” I hear Harry’s voice.

My eyes search for him as I look up to him and instantly meet his heated gaze, those green, oh-so green eyes immediately locking with mine. This reminds me of our first meeting. His eyes locked with mine and for a time which had seemed to me like hours, he wouldn’t let go of my eyes and kept staring into my eyes. Only now does he know me a whole lot better and his eyes are far more determined than shocked and full of wonder. I wonder, what got this look on his face back then.

I gulp and try to swallow the lump in my throat. He offers to dance? “You want to?”

“Only if you’ll be mine to dance with” he replies and gently takes my hand to help me get up from the chair I spent on the last twenty minutes.

He lets go of my hand and I am prepared for just following him to the dance floor. I hadn’t expected him to ask me to dance, so why would I ever expect him to lead me to the dance floor? But that somehow is, what he does, surprisingly though. His hands settle down on the small of my back, gently yet eager, his fingers lightly digging in the bit of flesh on my hip. That done, he leads me over to a place and stands in front of me.

“You ever danced before like that with someone?” he wants to know and takes my wrist in his hand before laying my arms on his shoulders, crossing my wrists at his neck.

I shake my head. “No.” True, that is.

A slow, lazy smile spreads on his face and I can tell he is a little tired to. Nevertheless does he pulls me closer to him so that we almost pressed together, my breasts almost touching his chest. Then his hands are on me. One on the small of my back again, the other right under my breast around my thorax, his thumps almost touching the curve of my breast. And then he drags me close so that our chests do touch and his thumb rubs along under the curve just mentioned. Now I see the sense in doing so. The hand on my back drags me to him and holds me close, the other hand calms me and gives me the feeling of being able to break free while also feeling hugged. I never saw anybody holding someone like this while dancing, but Harry got quiet the idea of how to make me feel safe but free the same time, I would say.

His head lowers a bit, so that his temple touches mine and his mouth is at my ear. This way we are not eye to eye, but we can quietly whisper.

“I’m sorry” he whispers “that I can never be what you need.”

I sigh. “Stop it now, can you?”

“You’ll know what a mess I make soon enough” he whispers then “but I won’t let go, so you’ll have no possibility of getting rid of me. Ever.”