SCHIZ (completed)

CHP - 23

CHAPTER 23
The Lies Told

^[Ezra in media]^

Jax was still pouting when Ezra looked at her.

"Uh..." Ezra dragged out as she thought.

"Don't wanna what? Steal my childlike innocence?" She chuckled, before remembering she was mad and puffing out her cheeks again.

"Well... yeah, basically."

"Why the hell you care about my innocence?! That's dumb as fuck!" She yelled.

"You fucking sixteen! It ain't natural for you to just be having sex! Alright?!"

"But you did!"

"Nigga, listen. I was raped. Big ass fucking difference." Ezra hissed through her teeth.

"And I don't understand that. Okay? You said she was fine and that you liked her. Why wouldn't you want to have sex with her?"

"Jax... you even realize how bad sex can hurt?"

She frowned at that. "Hurt? Sex don't hurt."

Ezra rubbed her temples in frustration. "Oh Lord..." She muttered. "Yeah, it can hurt. When you a virgin. You bleed."

Jax seemed to think about that for a while. "You wouldn't make me bleed though..."

"Well, of course not, but if we was to go that far... it'd be a natural thing." Ezra told her a bit uncomfortable. "But we neva' gone do that anyway. You too young to even be thinking about sex. Understand? You shouldn't be having it."

Jax frowned and chewed on her bottom lip. "Did you ever like it?" She asked."When she... when Les and you did it... Did it ever feel good?"

Ezra groaned and looked away from her, biting the inside of her cheek, it took a while before she could answer her. "Yeah." She said eventually, still refusing to look over at Jax. "I liked that shit more than I care to eva' admit. I really loved that girl. And, as weird as it is... I know she loved me too. But she was legit crazy, and she didn't handle things well, but... neither did I. When she was mad, she'd hit me. And when I was mad..."

Ezra paused to take a breath, forcing herself to remember. To recall their arguments, how she'd yell, and cuss at her. Remembering how Les would try to calm her down, to no avail.

"I would yell, and throw things. And I'd talk alotta' shit like I hated her. I'd blame her fo' things, and once I finally stopped being mad, I'd cry. She always comforted me. So, in a way. We both was real abusive. We was crazy. I was real insane back then. I'd say she raped me, and that was true, but... after the first time... almost all the time after..." Ezra groaned, disgusted with herself.

"I wanted it. Lookin' back on it now, it feels like I was raped, but... I'on even know. She did take advantage of me, but I low key wanted it, wanted her. There ain' much I can really blame her for. It's hard to hold someone accountable fo' shit when they crazy. She used to apologize a lot, and I know, even now, that she meant it. She ain' mean to hurt me. But so did I. Sometimes... I even miss her bitch ass. Our relationship was all kinds of fucked up and was neva' gone work... but she was my first love and we neva' really broke up."

Ezra stared off quietly at the ceiling.

"I neva' got closure and I wanted it desperately back then. I ain' know where she went and I couldn't if I wanted... I was just real dumb and young. I ain' have nothing to lose."

Ezra looked back to see Jax thinking, chewing on her bottom lip again. She looked a little disturbed, Ezra took notice that it bothered her whenever she said anything about Les.

"Oh... so. I-If you did know where she was... and she wanted you back... would yo–"

"Hell fucking nah." Ezra said almost instantly. "Shit... I loved her because I ain' know any better. There was nun' better. But now I got somethin' better, much better." She chuckled.

Jax looked up at her and smirked slightly at that. "You talking about me?" She asked.

"Yeah. You." Ezra told her, and pushed a strand of her curls from her eyes. "You so much better than anything I coulda' hoped to be in my life." Ezra said, sincerely. "I got love for you."

Jax grew the biggest grin across her face and leaned up to capture her lips in hers. Ezra slid one hand to her hip and the other lay on her back as she kissed her back, easily taking control.

Jax pulled back sooner than expected and rested her head on Ezra's chest.

"I just gotta question..." She mumbled in thought. "Your boarding school let you hurt each other. Didn't anyone notice?" She asked.

Ezra frowned. "Boarding school?" She repeated, letting the words linger before she added, "Your ma told you I went to a boarding school?"

"Yeah..." She said slowly. "Why? That a lie?"

Ezra opened her mouth to say something but ended up closing it again. Then she decided to ask, "Well... if I had really went to a boarding school... why was I there in the summer?"

She seemed really confused now, Ezra could hear it in her voice. "Ma said you wasn't very good at school so they made you stay for summer school. Was she lying?"

Ezra didn't know how to answer that.

"Why would she lie to me?" She demanded.

Ezra shrugged slightly, though she knew why.

"Tell me the truth then! Where was you?"

Ezra sighed slightly. "I'll tell you later. Alright? I'm tired and sick of talking about myself."

"Okay." She mumbled and slipped off her lap.

She laid down on the opposite side of Ezra, on her side and pulled the blanket over them.

"Good night." She told her.

Ezra laid down on her back, waiting only a few seconds before Jax crawled over, laying her head onto her chest and lacing their legs together. Ezra pushed a curl back from her forehead and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"Night." She replied, as she closed her eyes.

Soon Ezra's body relaxed against Jax's and the soothing sounds of her heavy breathing quickly lulled Ezra right to sleep.

TBC
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