Euphoria - E.D.

Epilogue

Heartbreak is indescribable. In a bad way, that is. It's a pain that no one ever wants to experience, but sadly, it's a thing that happens to everyone. I wish no one ever had to experience such a horrible pain. Maybe if it didn't exist, there'd be less sad and broken people in this world.

It's like a punch to the face. It's a pain that hurts like none other. Heartbreak makes your body go all numb and weak inside, kind of as if you were given some medication to take away all ability you once had to feel what love once was. It makes a person transform into someone they never once were before, making their days seem sad and gloomy, even when the sun is shining.

This horrible pain, makes someone forget what love once felt like.

Getting your heartbroken because someone no longer loves you, and has made the decision to move on with their life without you in it, is already tough enough. What's worse, at least in my case, is experiencing heartbreak not because someone no longer loves you, but because the person you once loved, and the person who once loved you, is no longer on this earth.

Watching Alex die was one of the hardest and saddest things I've ever experienced in my entire life, and I wish I never have to feel such a tremendous amount of pain ever again. I watched every last breath she took, every last blink her eye made, heard every last word that slipped past her lips, saw her smile once more, and saw her bright, ocean blue eyes look into mine one more time, before they shut forever.

People always told me, including Alex, that she'd always be there with me, whether she was alive or not, but it just didn't feel the same. I couldn't hear her laugh anymore. I couldn't see her cover her face with her hands whenever she  was blushing because I called her beautiful. I couldn't feel her skin touch mine as I held her hand, or as we laid on the beach under the sun. All I had left of us was every picture we took, every memory made.

I missed presence her terribly.

The first few days after her death were by far the hardest. I woke up the next day having to remind myself that she was no longer here. I had to walk by her old hospital room, that they had yet to clear out. I still don't know why the nurses and Alex's parents waited so long to clear out her room. It's not like they needed it anymore. Sure, they cleaned and disinfected her bed after she died, but for a few days, all of her belongings remained how she last left them.

Perhaps it's because they felt the same thing as I did, and had the same struggle. Which was, accepting the sad, heartbreaking reality, that Alex was really gone.

Honestly, I didn't want to go to Alex's funeral, as selfish and disheartening that it may sound. I didn't want to repeat every sad emotion again, and hear her parents and other loved ones talk about how lovely Alex was, and what a wonderful life she lived. Funerals are sad. They're full of tears and people trying to reminisce over someone's life, but never achieve that because they're filled with too much pain.

However, I did go, because I knew it's what Alex would want. It'd be the last time I'd be able to see her, after all.

Strangely enough, the day of her funeral, it was not raining, as it always seems to, on any funeral. Instead, the sky was filled with sunshine, not a cloud in sight, as the spring flowers blossomed.

I guess Alex was looking down on all of us, like she said she would.

I stood in my bedroom, straightening out my black shirt and black jeans, sighing as I looked at myself in the mirror. There was still some dried tears on my face from crying earlier that morning, and prominent bags rested under my eyes from getting no sleep. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot, my skin pale. My hair messily sat on top of my head, sticking up in different directions from running my hands through it so much, so, I styled it with some gel, so I could appear more presentable.