I Need Memory (VIXX Ravi Fanfic)

Memory 5 | A Silent Scream

RAVI'S POV :

"My heart was limping and this is the end of the road
After making that decision and taking a breath
I let out a deep sigh
I rip her up from inside my heart

As I let out a silent scream
I'm erasing the after images that are floating around
Burning up the remaining memories up to the sky, burn

I don't want to let go of myself
I don't want to ruin myself anymore
Memories that aren't ending even when it's over
I have no confidence to win over it..."

As though displaying my heart into words, every single line emerged perfectly and painfully with the beat. Memories and emotions that I suppressed while singing that song kept reaching out and retreating consecutively like the endless march of waves in the ocean. Even if I had no more confidence in myself, even if I kept burning her picture in the back of my head, her memories just don't seem to be ending even when it's all over.

The verses that always haunted me kept replaying in my head as I simply sat there listening to Jyani hyung play my nostalgia anthem on repeat mode while N hyung and Hyuk went on with their unending updates about this girl from States. I was amazed by the depth of the first impression she left on them because they met her one single day ago and she's all they have been talking about since then.

"Hyung, Gia noona is also a fan of Shinchan. She said that she even has Shinchan pyjamas."

"Yah! She's not the only girl who would like Shinchan. He's a famous character, worldwide. Plus, why would she even tell you about her pyjamas? Wasn't that the first time that you met her?"

Our youngest brother simply shrugged with a proud smirk that indicated the obvious fact. He had always loved showing off his friendliness and immense ability to make friends in a very short time. Meanwhile, I rarely stepped out of my studio and perhaps, that was also a reason behind my seriously small circle of friends. Apart from VIXX and the artists that I've collaborated with, there aren't that many people who knew me well enough either.

To be honest, all of us in the group were well aware of the deliberate reasons behind my preference for solitary. Firstly, I'm an amateur in social life because I suck at casual chats and I don't really talk more than what's necessary. And secondly, due to unpleasant past experiences, I have apparently become thanatophobic. Yes, I'm afraid of growing close to people because I'm even more afraid of losing them sooner or later. So, basically the only person I can claim as my best friend was Hongbin and that's just about it.

"Keuchi? We only met her a day ago, didn't we?" N hyung was somewhat pondering over his own words while I waited for him to finish because he looked as though he was trying to recall something and from his expression, I assumed it to be serious. Suddenly, his eyes lit up as a sign of both enlightenment and extreme shock as he rushed over to the seat beside me.

"What now, hyung? Did you miss any details about your new Miss America?"

Although I didn't actually mean to sound bitter, I was still hurt by the amount of attention they were giving this girl. And knowing that she'd be following us on our Japan tour, made me feel more anxious because even Jyani hyung seemed to have liked her already and that fact alone bothered me. N hyung shook his head fiercely as he wore his serious face before saying what shocked him.

"At first, I didn't really pay much attention to this but then it became more obvious as I contemplated over it-," a frown appeared on his forehead as he held my arm, ".-Wonshik-ah, Gia looked exactly like her!" He seemed amazed by his own statement whereas I was still in the dark due to the lack of information he offered.