I Can't Admit I Love You

Chapter 13

LUCAS

I laid in the air mattress with my arms under my head. I could barely sleep.

When I closed my eyes I dreamed I was at my wedding. Jaime was already at the alter but I couldn't move my legs, I couldn't walk towards her.

In the background I hear laughter; Skylar's intoxicating laugh. But suddenly she stops and begins to cry. Once my legs are able to move I don't run down the aisle to Jaime. Instead I run to Skylar's cries.

I had to take Connor back home after he got sick. Pablo picked up Skylar and brought her home.

Since he threw up multiple times, his stomach was empty and he fell asleep like a rock.

I stayed up and looked at the empty ceiling, sleep over came me in the early morning hours. I didn't mind that I barely rested.

I was angry at myself for dreaming about Skylar.

I can't.

I just can't.

The next morning, Connor took care of work for a few hours while I rested in his apartment. When he came back he decided to take me on the ultimate touristy-tour.

He did not bring up Skylar at all, but he texted her the entire time.

First stop was the Statue of Liberty.

Well, we took the ferry to Staten Island and watched Lady Liberty from the waters. It was too hot and too crazy packed to be waiting inline all day for a visit.

Connor apologized to me for being a terrible guide but I patted his back and made him buy me a beer instead.

For some reason, this trip made me into a drinker. I still felt nervous even around my friend and I couldn't explain why.

Jaime texted me on the ferry back.

Phew, these classes are killing me I feel like my heads going to explode lol

I hated myself for not focusing on her more.

I was having a grand old time here and there she was giving her all so that we could push the wedding.

I truly never deserved someone as good as her.

Relax, you got this! It'll all be worth it soon.

"How are things with Jaime?" Connor noticed I responded to her. "You guys good?"

"Of course, why?" This conversation was becoming uncomfortable for me.

Connor shrugged quickly, "You haven't really mentioned her."

Just then, she texted me three words that honestly hurt me deeply.

I miss you.

"There's not much to say, we're getting married as soon as she graduates this year." I shut the screen on my phone while I gathered my thoughts.

Connor leaned on the railing of the boat. "You're sure about that?"

I was growing angry and annoyed, I felt myself grinding my teeth. My jaw clenched.

"Why wouldn't I be sure?" I asked myself more than him.

"It's a big step, I mean are you sure she is...'the one'?" Connor turned to me, his eyes were intrusive.

I couldn't respond. I felt choked up. My mind was blank.

It hurt, it hurt to think about it.

But could it be possible? That all this time I've been unsure about myself and my own feelings and just focused on what everyone expected of me?

What my father had expected of me, what Jaime expected, what her family expected of us for all these years....

Then it dawned on me, and I let out a short laugh.

"What's so funny?" Connor asked, his back leaned against the railing.

"You're funny, we're adults. There's no such thing as 'the one'" I proclaimed.

I pulled out my phone and texted her back.

I do too :)

SKYLAR

I started work the next day. I couldn't wait.

It would help me take my mind off things, off...him. I still couldn't shake the words he told me on the terrace. Being in his arms.

It felt too good, it felt so comforting.

But I had to stop myself; to stop it before I fell. I pounded away at the piano for what seemed like hours.

From the large windows I watched the sunset, I looked towards the orange sky. It burned my eyes a bit, I closed them as my fingers moved with their own agenda across the piano.

"Skylar, can you please be quiet?" Mother groaned. She never really approved of me playing, she said I was too passionate...too loud.

The piano is a gentle instrument, she'd say.

But she's wrong. It's loud, just like my thoughts.

In either case I stopped and moved away from it, my phone was ringing.

Misha.

"Hey, whats up?"

She usually texts me but I'm always happy to take her calls. She goes on and on about Jason. It was really obvious how suited they are for each other.

"I just came from the park with him, we went to play basketball."

I frowned as I laid down on the couch. "I thought he doesn't play?"

"Well I made him," she laughed.

I was happy for her.

"So what about you? Are you going out with the hot brunette or the tall black haired guy? Which one do you like more?" Misha's question made me tense up.

I couldn't stop myself from blushing, it felt like I was back in high school.

"I'm not going out with either Misha!" I blurted out.

"Huh? Why not! It's obvious they both like you! You can basically have your pick,"

Wait what?

"Lucas doesn't like me..." that sickening feeling in my stomach came back as I spoke the next words to her, "Luca's is...engaged."

I heard Misha gasp over the phone, turning over on my stomach I buried my face into the pillow.

"No way?! I thought he was totally into you the other night...hmm I guess this means it's Mr.Muscles then."

I couldn't help but laugh, Misha always made me laugh no matter what.

"How about we all go out on a day time date?" she proposed.

"I have work at the bookstore tomorrow," I reminded her.

"Ok what about this Saturday? Let's head to the beach! "

And just like that Misha made the plans for all of us.