Toxic Valentine (Kellic) - boyxboy

Chapter 22: Paint You Wings

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I painted a picture of the things I wanted most,
To color in the darker side of all my brightest hopes,
But there's a monster standing where you should be
So I'll paint you wings
Now I'll set you free

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I'm sitting in my fine arts class. The professor just started the timer for us to complete our final assessment task. I'm staring at my blank canvas with dreary eyes while my body aches beneath me from last night. It doesn't help that I haven't planned my assessment due to missing so many classes in the past few weeks. Everyone's so ahead of me already and I'm too physically exhausted to do this.

Calvin and I didn't speak to each other this morning before I left. He seemed a little regretful but I'm still so pissed off at him. He practically raped me. No, he did rape me. I told him to stop, I told him it he was hurting me and he didn't listen. I didn't mean to admit that I didn't love him but I was so hurt. I just wanted to hurt him back. He didn't seem that hurt though which leads me to believe he doesn't love me at all.

I take another look at my blank canvas and sigh. I dip my paintbrush into some paint and just start absentmindedly painting. Maybe I'll somehow end up with a masterpiece. Who knows?

I can't help but to think about Vic as my paintbrush glides over the canvas. I always seem to be thinking about him. I miss him so much and I hope to God he didn't go back to Andy. Someone as beautiful and kind-hearted as him doesn't deserve to be mistreated. He deserves someone that can realize how much of an amazing person he is. Honestly, he deserves the world.

He's done more for me in the few months I've know him than Calvin's done in the five years we've been together. I wish Calvin was more like Vic. I wish he treated me right. I wish he was interested in more than just my body. Vic was even interested in my art!

I take myself out of my thoughts for a second to look at my canvas. I seem to be painting white wings. Dove or angel? I make a quick decision to paint an angel. I really need a guardian angel right now.

I fall back into my thoughts about Vic. The way he held me, the way he touched me, it was so gentle. It was as if the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. And that's a crazy thought. He treats me right, he doesn't want to hurt me, he's interested in me; things like that only exist in movies.

I think back to the kiss we shared while we were drunk. It was like sparks flew. I've never felt like that before. It was more than just the butterflies Calvin gives me. It's as if Vic and I connected on a level that's so much deeper than physical. I wish I had that with Calvin.

With Calvin, it's always felt like I had some schoolyard crush, but it was something completely different with Vic. Those absent feelings that I've been having with Cal were all in that one kiss with Vic, and more.

When Vic told me he liked me, I shut it down right away because Calvin's been telling me for the last five years that I'm unlovable and right here, in this moment, I'm realizing that I'm not. I deserve love. I deserve love without consequences, love without bruises, love without pain and sorrow and anxiety. I deserve to be treated with respect and for as long as I have lived, I've never hurt anybody. I deserve no pain.

I snap myself out of my thoughts again to look at my painting. It's nearly finished already and my angel is starting to look a little familiar. His skin is tanned and his arms are robust. His chocolate brown locks come down to his shoulder and his soft brown eyes are loving. His full pink lips are just that little bit chapped and they're so fucking kissable.

It's as if everything suddenly becomes clear. I want Vic. I don't want Calvin. And there is absolutely nothing stopping me from having what I want. And I've goddamn earned it.

I rush to put the finishing touches to my painting then without another thought, I get up and rush out of the room. I leave the building and get into my car then I drive back to Calvin and I's house. I'm a little out of breath when I enter the house due to my spontaneous rushing.

"Cal, we need to talk." I call, closing the door.

"In here." Calvin calls from the living room.

I go into the living room and find him on the sofa watching TV. He taps the spot next to him so I sit down.

"If this is about last night, we said and did things we didn't mean. Let's just forget it and move on, yeah?" he suggests and I shake my head.

"Calvin, I meant what I said yesterday." I begin, taking his hand as his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He frowns.

"Well, not all of it was true." I admit. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But I don't love you either, Cal. I did, I really did for such a long time, but I've fallen out of love with you."

He looks saddened then suddenly he becomes angry.

"Is this because of Vic?" He spits.

"No, this is because of you. There are people out there that will treat me better than you do." I explain.

"Kellin, I told you, I'm going to get some help." He says pleadingly.

"You're too late, Cal. Maybe if you had done that sooner then I'd still be in love with you, but I'm not. This relationship has been nothing but toxic. We need to walk away from it." I explain, gently.

"You're not leaving me! I won't let you." He says, yelling until his voice breaks into a whimper.

"You can't stop me." I whisper, standing up.

I go into our room and get the suitcase that I never even bothered unpacking then leave the room. Calvin's waiting at the front door, blocking me from getting out.

"Calvin, there's nothing left of us. Just let me go." I sigh.

"No, do you have any idea what I've done for you? I've given you a house, I moved you across the country multiple times, I've given you all my love! What more do you want from me?" he screams.

"You've kept me prisoner in a house that I never asked for! You moved me away from my friends and family so they couldn't intervene while you manipulated me! You comforted me after you beat the living shit out of me! I don't want anything from you! You've given me more than I can take!" I scream back.

His hand connects to my cheek and I fall to the ground. I can't help but to laugh through my pain.

"And after all that, you think hurting me is going to make me stay? I'm not afraid of you anymore, Calvin." I mutter, standing up.

I push past him to the door and he latches onto my hand. I look back at him and he has tears swimming in his eyes.

"But I love you." He sniffs.

"I don't think you even know what love is." I whisper back before yanking my hand out of his.

I leave the house and walk down to my car.

"I'll fucking find you, Kellin. I'm going to find you, and I'm going to kill you." he yells.

I roll my eyes and ignore him as I throw my suitcase in the trunk. I then get into the car and drive off, heading home.

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Yeah I'm going to make y'all wait till Valentine's Day for the next update ;)