The Professor

Chapter Forty-One

I don't know what to do in this moment. I never pictured myself freaking out about this until I was older. Much older. Much older and married... knowing this might be a possibility.

How could you let this happen? How could you be this stupid?

I scold myself over and over again as I grip the steering wheel tight enough to make my knuckles white. My eyes feel hot with tears and i'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. 

I didn't even shower before I left. I had no energy to do that. I did my best to not show how frightened I was in front of Jessica and I brushed her question off. I could see the relief on her face when she believed my lie. It was probably because that meant I didn't sleep with Collin. 

But I did sleep with someone else.

The sick, nauseating feeling is still bubbling in my stomach. I feel more sick now compared to earlier. This type of sick feeling is because of what could be happening--forming--inside of me. All I can think about is how life altering this is going to be. Everything is going to change. My school, my family, my life.

Seriously, how could you be this stupid???

I don't want to know, but I need to know. 

I park my car and climb out on wobbly knees. I feel my teary eyes swelling with more water with every step I take. A silent, fearful tear falls down my face and I wipe it away with my hand as I walk inside. Once i'm by myself, more tears start to fall. I have to force myself to keep it together and not be so loud, but they keep coming.I finally take the left and continue walking until I reach it.

I only have to knock once before Dean opens the door.