TOXIC.

neuf

everything jimin does, there's always a jeongguk who keeps watching him intently. the younger's gazes were uncomfortable for the blonde. it was as if jeongguk was waiting even a single mistake from him to point out. it has been like that for three weeks, and jimin grew the urge to move out of that damned apartment and wander on his own.

but he thought that no one would let him in if he did leave the apartment. the kim household was an option, but he immediately shook the idea off when namjoon called hoseok one morning saying the house almost got burned into ashes. jimin didn't need to know who or why that accident happened, the two kims were hopeless. his death would just be ensured to be near if he tries to live in that house.

yoong's apartment was, of course, an option. in a span of three weeks, as much as his blossoming hatred for the brunette grew, jimin learned how to smoke with the help of the blue haired man.

at first, it was just a try. the intoxicating feeling traveled down his trachea to his lungs made him to shot his eyes open and writhe in disgust. he had war flasbacks when he used to avoid his dad whenever he smokes around the house they lived in once in his hometown. jimin abhor the cigarettes too much, he couldn't stand it's existence.

yet here he is, smoking on the balcony of their apartment building.

grey smoke circulated him, enclosing jimin in a suffocating cage. it represented him of something, but he couldn't lay a finger on it to know what it is. wind blew through him that made him to run his fingers through his locks. he couldn't imagine himself doing this, breathing the same air he did when he was little. inhaling the familiar air that killed his mother.

it was ridiculous, the vow he made to not ever invest in these death sticks but with a little bit of persuading and him being whipped for love, here he is, digging his own grave with the cigarettes as his shovels.

"didn't knew you smoked." the voice never fails to startle him. Jimin jerked from the edge and turned to face jeongguk, who was slowly closing the door behind him.

a low chuckle left the brunette's lips, "hoseok told me you hated cigarettes. i didn't imagine you would be smoking behind our backs. i can't believe my eyes now."

"fuck off." jimin huffed, stepping on the cig with the heel of his shoes. he digges both of his hands on both of his pockets, before turning to walk away.

"you know that stuff is not good for you." jeongguk continued to convince him, blocking the way. jimin's eyebrows twitched, irritation painted over his expression. on the other hand, jeongguk seemed calm, which was new to the blonde. there was no emotion, but jimin doubts that. the boy always had something behind that beautiful face.

jimin stopped, and eyed jeongguk. the other answered with a slight bob of his head, that made the blonde to grit his teeth. "I told you not to be nosy, jeongguk."

"i'm not." a small smile crept to his lips, as the brunette raised his hand as a sign of innocence. when jimin raised an eyebrow, jeongguk flopped his arm on his side. "i'm just concerned for hoseok-hyung, you know? along with the kim-hyungs, i mean. have you thought how that thing could affect them?"

jimin was speechless. he hated this. he hated how guilt knocks on his heart, he hated how composed thoughts are suddenly moved with just the words of the boy. he hated how he never wanted to do this in the first place. he hated how low his self-esteem dropped at that moment.

but mostly, he hated how right jeongguk was.

"if you fine pleasure of me being thrown out by my friends, then feel free to go and tell them." the statement broke out of his lips like a guilty defeat. jimin couldn't care less if he pours all of his frustration on jeongguk, as the tips of his fingers itch for another cigarette and his lips tingle for another puff.

the air was a bit cold. clouds hooded the city from the sunlight and wind constantly blows through the two. it was the usual sound of the city's life that resonated around them,and the casual atmosphere that surrounded them felt all too calming to jimin.

"so, yoongi is that asshole's name?" jeongguk asked. the blonde's back was turned against the younger, as he titled his head to peer at the other. his eyelids fell, and an amused grin was plastered on his lips right before jimin could realize.

the older giggled, "so you're a stalker now?"

"nope." jimin's body tensed when he sensed that jeongguk took a few steps forward from where he leaned at. he looked away when the brunette was a few inches away from him.

the brunette looked up at the sky for a solid second, before turning his head to jimin. "the hyungs told me."

"makes sense." shrugging, jimin tapped his foot on the cemented floor. he was growing a bit edgy around the younger, like he always did. his lower limbs were wishing to sprint off of that floor and back to the apartment. but his brain was telling him otherwise.

"how long have you been dating?" murmured jeongguk, who closed his eyes. the wind made him feel such tranquility, that it surprised jeongguk because it has been a while since he felt so unruffled by life. maybe it was the cold weather. or maybe because of the blonde.

"a year? i haven't kept tracked." jimin answered, watching as the sun who just showed up at this time of the day began to set. the sudden light blinded the two, but it was a bit of a joy for the brunette to see the sun at least for today.

"haven't kept tracked?" here it was again, the cockiness and boldness jeongguk had tinged his speech. "or you just didn't cared at all because that's what that dipshit felt all along?"

speechless. no word could describe ow mute jimin was. it annoyed him though, despite the feeling of defeat in the two's invisible and probably not even existing battle. it riled jimin with the fact that the younger knows how to get him tongue-tied with his comebacks, and maybe the possibility that jeongguk knows more than what his circle of friends know, too.

"why do you care, jeongguk?" it was pathetic, jimin thought. he only felt a bit angry at himself at the way the question was asked. there wasn't any rage at all. it should have. he should be angry at this guy. no. he loathes him to the depths of hell. but jimin was suddenly soft. 

jeongguk shrugged. he wasn't sure so himself. "i don't know."

there was another silence. the quiet was a bit ear-piercing, but it was surprisingly cool to the both of them. maybe they both needed this.

jeongguk huffed in a long breath. blinking his eyes for a few times. "you? why do you hate me so much?"

it wasn't funny. but the question made jimin smile genuinely for the first time in a while. he felt it too.

"i don't know. i just hate you." jimin started to march out of that place. his hands are still in his jeans, probably trying to hide the pack of cigarettes he was hiding from hoseok. he was even debating whether he should go home already, but the possibility of the older already there made his chest thump.

jeongguk kept his silence. jimin's hands grasped around the door knob, and he twisted it warily. something inside him felt afraid to even add a slight noise in the air. he feared it would break the calm atmosphere that caged them into a soft, euphoric bubble. but guess jeongguk did it first.

"jimin," the lack of honorifics shocked jeongguk more that he stopped mid-sentence. " i mean, hyung, hoseok-hyung is at the apartment. i suggest you go wander off to another place for th mean time."

jimin nodded. he swung open the door, his whole body only aching to get out of that invisible bubble more.

"oh and hyung?"

the blonde looked back, "what?"

"i won't tell."