Teenage Burnout | Kellic (boyxboy) [STILL BEING WRITTEN]

You've got a warm heart, You've got a beautiful brain, but it's disintegrating.

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: MEDICINE

BY: DAUGHTER

"...You could still be,
What you want to,
What you said you were,
When I met you.

You've got a warm heart,
You've got a beautiful brain.
But it's disintegrating,

From all the medicine..." 

Vic's P.O.V

I sat in my bed, with only slightly heavy eyes. I leaned against the wall with my bottom half covered by my blankets. Staring at him, I couldn't find myself to sleep, or even rest my head on my pillow. I watched his shoulders steadily move up and down as I resisted the urge to get up and shake him awake and ask him if he was okay.

But I couldn't do that.

So, I sat with myself, racking my brain for answers. The only thing that my mind kept focusing on, was the fact that I wanted to fucking kiss him.

What the actual fuck, Vic? Honestly, why would you do that?

I could not wrap my brain around the fact that my mind had even wandered there, or the fact that I almost actually did it. What the fuck was wrong with me.

Maybe it was because I was truly worried at that moment. I don't know him that well, I don't know much about him, but he scared the shit out of me yesterday. I couldn't remember the last time I felt myself care about anything or anyone this way... I've only truly cared about one other person in a 'romantic' way... But it wasn't like this... Maybe it was just the moment. Maybe I felt bad for him. Or maybe I'm just young and horny. Our faces were so close, maybe as a guy, it was an instinctive thing to want to kiss him.

NO.

As a guy I was supposed to want to kiss a girl. A female. Someone of the opposite sex. Right? Right... Right?

I was not gay. I wasn't bisexual either. I knew this. I had only been with girls.

Well, girl.

But I can't think about her, or how much I love her, or how beautiful she is, or how captivatingly beautiful those eyes-...No, stop it Vic.

I know if i think of home too much, I'll start hallucinating, or have a panic attack. Thinking about her makes me worry about her, and how she's doing without me back home. I know she's wondering the same about me. I almost wanted to hallucinate, just so I could see her again, just like I did when I was by myself in the courtyard. She would tell me it was okay. She would set my mind straight. Right?

Thinking of the courtyard led my mind to wander to Miranda and how she had practically violated me. Not that I was complaining... I then thought about kissing her in the hallway. I almost wanted to smile thinking about it. I wasn't gay because I enjoyed kissing her. I'd do it again; I would, because it was fun. I knew for a fact that she didn't like me. I could tell the difference between real feelings and wanting to have a little fun. I shouldn't be thinking this, because of our circumstances and the fact that we were in what normal people refer to as a 'crazy house', but dammit if she wants to have some fun... I'm sure I could get her alone long enough to... 'Get our minds off of things'. If you know what I mean.

I mean, maybe she'd slap me but then she'd probably just try to fuck me ten minutes later. The first time we were alone together was almost proof of this.