"If You Could Hear The Dreams I've Had, My Dear..."

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 - MILD TRIGGER WARNING -

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: Stage 4 Fear Of Trying

BY: Frankiero andthe Cellabration

"I've always held my doubts so close to my heart

That these frames have trapped all my better days

There they stay frozen and unscathed,

I've traveled far, I've been back to the start &

I found some scars in places I have never shown to anyone..."

Vic's P.O.V

I lay on the thin mattress staring into the hard lights above this bed, desperately trying to unscramble my thoughts. The last two days have been really hard. I was currently under observation, which means Joanne had me moved to a different room. Which I later found out, was just two doors down from Kellin's, seeing as he was also under observation, for obvious reasons... I was mostly supposed to be watched by the doctors, but Joanne had insisted on helping with me herself. I almost felt thankful for this, seeing as I didn't exactly trust anyone in this wing of the hospital. Sure, I knew Dr. Connors, who was in charge of mostly the 'medical' sides of things, I guess I trusted him a little...but then again, Joanne is the one I went to. I know she was only trying to help, which I had, surprisingly, felt thankful for, but she was starting to get on my nerves. Which was normal, I guess. I had actually talked to her about Kellin and I. Not that we had, you know, but just that we had become close friends and she could see that I cared a lot about him. It's just that, ever since I had found out Kellin was only two rooms down, Joanne had taken it upon herself to pay extra attention to me. She wanted to make sure I wouldn't do anything stupid...like try to get into his room to see him.

Joanne couldn't tell me too much about Kellin's situation, but she did tell me enough...after I continued to beg her...and I may have held the fact that I was the one who told them the truth about him over her head. She eventually agreed that I deserved to know something.

She did tell me that they were trying to get his sleeping patterns to normalize a bit better and were also working on getting his eating habits under control, along with trying to stabilize his weight. Apparently, he was close to twenty pounds under weight for his height and body type. He was also starting to show other physical signs of having an eating disorder, other than weight loss, of course. Joanne wouldn't tell me what they were; she just told me that this was nothing new, and that this was something Kellin had been dealing with for a while. She couldn't tell me what he told her, or what they talked about, but she told me that after she spoke with him about it, she came to the conclusion that this particular problem had been developing for a couple years (at the most) now.

She noticed a few things here and there, but never tied them together, therefore, she never knew this was a problem. She also thanked me; she said that Kellin was lucky someone noticed and that this thing was caught when it was, otherwise this could have gone on even longer and turned into something bigger than just a self-destructive coping mechanism. He could've gotten worse. He was 'lucky'... But was he really?

I guess, as of right now, this problem hadn't spiraled into something bigger that they couldn't control...yet. That didn't mean he wasn't still sick. He was. He was sicker than he looked, to be exact. Not that you could tell just by looking at him; if I didn't know what he was doing to himself, I never would have guessed he was-...bulimic. I feel myself shudder at the thought of this-... disease? condition? disorder?  I didn't know what to call it, even the word itself sounds-...just dirty and terrible. It made me sick just thinking that whatever it was; it was trying to possess Kellin.

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