Been A While, Spidey

Chapter 12

HERE YOU GO! AFTER ONE MONTH! THE (NOT) LONG ANTICIPATED NEXT CHAPTER.

Sanya's Diary, May 12th 2021

Fantasy. It's a part of the world we live in. Superheroes and aliens and wizards and mutants and magical beings and literal GODS, for fuck's sake. Still it's a godsend to have an imagination for the human parts of this fantasy world. 

Like I'm pretending that I'm still pregnant. That my love for Peter hasn't been completely overshadowed by the raw pain and anger and sadness I feel about my little boy's....I can't even....

And I'm crying again. Which embarrassingly I've done, like, thrice since my....SHIT. I can't.

I'm at my parents' right now, I just wanna be a little girl and not that grieving, broken, pitiful mother I am. I haven't left my room since I came back from the hospital.

 5 days ago.

As for the other half of Tommy, I don't know. Maybe at his aunt's right below us or at his dorm in MIT or in his bedroom at the Avengers Facility.... or he might be dead, for all I know and I CAN'T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO CARE ABOUT THAT.

I just feel numb and I'm watching 'The Princess Diaries' and I, too, am thinking how many time I use the word 'I' in one day.

I'm not the only one who lost something. My parents, Aunt May lost a grandchild, my brother a nephew and Peter a son. It must be so difficult for him to lose ANOTHER family member. And a child, at that.

Oh my God, I have to

The rest of the page was too blurred to be read, both by my teardrops then and my teardrops now. It was a miracle I managed to decipher my then-illegible handwriting. It has improved slightly.

Every year on my birthday, I reread my diaries, one for every year. I started this when I was 17 and I, on a whim, read my first diary from when I was 13. It's been a tradition since and when i moved in with Harry last year, I brought all my diaries. I still write them but it's been more infrequent now than ever. It's the only thing I write anymore.

My birthday is exhausting now, I've become one of those people who hate having their birthday celebrated. 

With my friends scattered across the globe, my boyfriend being more infuriatingly sweet than ever, Harry under so immense a pressure at work that he hasn't come home in a week, my soulmate boss's and his ugh, girlfriend's PDA filled date nights practically every day and my family's trouble with my brother's school work, there was NO CHANCE for a party today.

WHICH is why I nearly fainted when about 15 people yelled 'SURPRISE' the minute I entered my apartment at about 5 in the evening- Harry, Ron(BWAHAHAHA, HARRY AND RON!!!!) Kira (a friend from a Starbucks I used to work at), BETTY AND NED (WHY am I surprised, I went out with them yesterday), some of my college friends, James, Dean, Mikaela and school friends like Mara, Ashley, Jean, Leo and.....Peter. Along with smug bitch Felicia with her perfect face and perfect body and perfect LBD and perfect name. And Shadab who looked curiously purposeful. 

''OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE?'' I said as I bent down to pick up my diary which I'd been reading on the elevator ride up.

''I don't know, maybe to celebrate your birthday?'' Betts asks sardonically and I'm overflowed with love and annoyance for her and I rush to hug her, the 5ft 3 shorty.

''MJ was basically crying cuz she couldn't be here.'' She says after we break apart.

''It's weird that she's the most emotional out of us three.'' I say with a 'what can you do' wring of my hands.